Comments on: Curbing the Over-Indulgent Habits of Grandparents

By: Sharon

Sharon — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 20:53:32 +0000

Michelle – I’m so sorry to hear this! Living with your in-laws can have some benefits, but some real drawbacks as well. I think most grandparents HATE to see their grandchildren disciplined (even time-outs!), so it can be a real point of contention if you’re living together.

I don’t know all the details of your situation, but if I were in your place, I would call a family meeting while your daughter is either at preschool or in bed. Get together with your husband beforehand and discuss what you want to say. I would even pray together with my husband for wisdom in the situation. It’s important that you present a united front so your in-laws know you’re serious. At the meeting, let them know first off the things they are doing right – “You do a great job calming little Josie down when she’s upset,” etc. – and how much you appreciate them. Also agree that you all desire what’s best for your daughter. HOWEVER, be clear that you are trying to train her to be an obedient, respectful child, and it’s important for your daughter to have boundaries, as well as consequences when she steps outside of those boundaries. Ask them to trust your judgement on this. I hope this is helpful!

By: Michelle

Michelle — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 16:33:03 +0000

I really need help with my situation. See we are currently living with the inlaws, and they get on everything that has to do with my child(Which shes curently 4 years old). They get involved about her education, with what she does, and if Im giving her time out she gets in it to. If I tell my daughter not to do something she will start crying and i wanna give her time out and then here comes grandma to tell her whats wrong and starts spoiling her. Then if she is crying, my mother in law will send her older daughter to investigate why my daughter is crying. The most recently was when my husband was telling my daughter to stop her behavior and giving her time out. She came and told him to give my daughter to her. He said no, and for that she said then stop treating her that way! Please some one help me… Also I have tried talking to her but she wont listen.

By: Sharon

Sharon — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 07:32:38 +0000

@brideleon – I know, it can be frustrating when the grandparents start to compete. That’s a whole other topic to discuss!

Just to clarify, I hope I didn’t come across as saying that we should tell grandparents what to get their grandchildren. But there are tactful ways to make suggestions to grandparents if the gift-getting is getting out of hand. A lot of it depends on your relationship with your parents and/or in-laws.

By: brideleon

brideleon — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 01:41:13 +0000

We deal with this all the time. My kids are the only grand kids on both sides. I am an only and my husband is the oldest and only married one. We live about about 1.5-2 hrs away from both and when they come or vice versa they always have to give them something. And we see them quite often with living that far away. And I agree that we should not tell people what to give, I actually feel funny when asked what they want or where do I shop. But I know that come Christmas time and birthday time it actually makes their lives easier. But besides those times of year it sometimes gets out of hand. The bigger is not better and hello we are running out of space. And on top of that it seems to be a competition between the grandparents. Who is giving more or spending more. Its sad. Example, my daughter who hardly ever asks for something and can go into a toy store and out with nothing for herself, will ask my mom- “what did you bring me?” That makes me cringe but hey, she did that to my child not me! I can not wait until my husbands brother and sister have some kids!!
( that was the longest comment I have ever wrote! whoa! but i feel i could write a novel on this topic!!)

By: Sharon

Sharon — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 12:26:21 +0000

@Dawn -- I struggle with the same thing, especially with expensive clothing from places whose names I can't pronounce. It's so easy for me to think, "I could have bought so many (insert essential item) with that money!" instead of just enjoying the gift. Moneywatch.com also had an interesting article on this topic, if y'all want to check it out.