Comments on: “Stay in Your Seat!” Teaching Your Toddler How To Eat With the Family http://www.themomcrowd.com/stay-in-your-seat-teaching-your-toddler-how-to-eat-with-the-family Sat, 11 Feb 2012 21:32:00 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Kara http://www.themomcrowd.com/stay-in-your-seat-teaching-your-toddler-how-to-eat-with-the-family/comment-page-1#comment-119567 Kara Wed, 16 Sep 2009 18:13:24 +0000 http://www.themomcrowd.com/?p=2107#comment-119567 Our 4 year old foster son had this problem - he would never stay seated at the dinner table. As far as dinner time goes, I think that he never actually ate dinner at a table with his bio family, and I think he ate whenever he felt like it - everything was on HIS time, and he spent a lot of time alone. It sounds a little mean, but his therapist recommended that we set a timer for dinner, and when the timer went off then dinner was over and he could leave the table, and whatever food was left was immediately picked up. Dinner was over. End of story. We found that ten minutes was a good time for him - it gave him plenty of time to eat (which is weird because I like a lot longer than that), and expecting him to do anything stationary for more than ten minutes was asking for a meltdown. Ten minutes was the longest he could display good behavior while sitting in the same spot, so we wouldn't push him further than that. We weren't trying to push him, we just wanted him to eat on a schedule. He went without food quite a few times because the timer would go off and he had refused to eat or refused to stay in his seat, which usually ended with chairs being thrown across the room or food being thrown on the floor, but that's another story :) If he got up from his seat, then dinner was over as well. He eventually learned that if he didn't eat dinner when I gave it to him...well, then he didn't get to eat at all. It sounds harsh, but this kid had to learn that he was on our time and not his time, and that when we said "If you get up then dinner is over" that we meant it and we would follow through with it - every time, every day. Forever and ever, amen :) We weren't denying him food - it was his choice. While this is probably not the approach that most traditional families would take, it worked well for our foster son. Sometimes it was really hard to follow through with, but it paid off in the end. He became rather happy with his timer, and on his good days he was so happy to finish dinner before the timer went off. We miss him. Our 4 year old foster son had this problem – he would never stay seated at the dinner table. As far as dinner time goes, I think that he never actually ate dinner at a table with his bio family, and I think he ate whenever he felt like it – everything was on HIS time, and he spent a lot of time alone.

It sounds a little mean, but his therapist recommended that we set a timer for dinner, and when the timer went off then dinner was over and he could leave the table, and whatever food was left was immediately picked up. Dinner was over. End of story.

We found that ten minutes was a good time for him – it gave him plenty of time to eat (which is weird because I like a lot longer than that), and expecting him to do anything stationary for more than ten minutes was asking for a meltdown. Ten minutes was the longest he could display good behavior while sitting in the same spot, so we wouldn’t push him further than that. We weren’t trying to push him, we just wanted him to eat on a schedule.

He went without food quite a few times because the timer would go off and he had refused to eat or refused to stay in his seat, which usually ended with chairs being thrown across the room or food being thrown on the floor, but that’s another story :) If he got up from his seat, then dinner was over as well. He eventually learned that if he didn’t eat dinner when I gave it to him…well, then he didn’t get to eat at all.

It sounds harsh, but this kid had to learn that he was on our time and not his time, and that when we said “If you get up then dinner is over” that we meant it and we would follow through with it – every time, every day. Forever and ever, amen :) We weren’t denying him food – it was his choice.

While this is probably not the approach that most traditional families would take, it worked well for our foster son. Sometimes it was really hard to follow through with, but it paid off in the end. He became rather happy with his timer, and on his good days he was so happy to finish dinner before the timer went off. We miss him.

]]> By: Christy http://www.themomcrowd.com/stay-in-your-seat-teaching-your-toddler-how-to-eat-with-the-family/comment-page-1#comment-116657 Christy Tue, 25 Aug 2009 12:42:53 +0000 http://www.themomcrowd.com/?p=2107#comment-116657 We also struggle with this one! Our 20 month old uses the booster seat and stays in it until everyone is done and bath is drawn. Our 4 year old learned the hard way! I'm embarassed to say that we didn't always sit at the table for dinner when he was young (mostly b/c we didn't have a dining table!). We just got a table about 1.5 years ago and it was hard for him. We just really interacted with him during his meals and encouraged him and praised him when he stayed in his seat. He still sometimes likes to get up and run to get something during meals, but it is tremendously better now! Great tips! We also struggle with this one! Our 20 month old uses the booster seat and stays in it until everyone is done and bath is drawn. Our 4 year old learned the hard way! I’m embarassed to say that we didn’t always sit at the table for dinner when he was young (mostly b/c we didn’t have a dining table!). We just got a table about 1.5 years ago and it was hard for him. We just really interacted with him during his meals and encouraged him and praised him when he stayed in his seat. He still sometimes likes to get up and run to get something during meals, but it is tremendously better now! Great tips!

]]> By: Cortney @ evanhaslanded http://www.themomcrowd.com/stay-in-your-seat-teaching-your-toddler-how-to-eat-with-the-family/comment-page-1#comment-116610 Cortney @ evanhaslanded Tue, 25 Aug 2009 02:37:03 +0000 http://www.themomcrowd.com/?p=2107#comment-116610 That is so funny that I came across this post tonight,because I could have written it myself. My son is 2 and the progression you wrote about is exactly the same. We finally, this week, bought a new booster for dinner. I don't mind letting him be finished when he says he is, but the rest of the fam (grandparents and even my hubs) doesn't like it because they like to treat him with dessert and my rule is if he doesn't eat dinner he doesn't get anything else that night. It still is a struggle, but worth it now versus later!! Boundaries and manners are good for kids to learn, earlier the better. I am hopeful that he "gets" it soon! And we can move on to the next toddler lesson : )! That is so funny that I came across this post tonight,because I could have written it myself. My son is 2 and the progression you wrote about is exactly the same. We finally, this week, bought a new booster for dinner. I don’t mind letting him be finished when he says he is, but the rest of the fam (grandparents and even my hubs) doesn’t like it because they like to treat him with dessert and my rule is if he doesn’t eat dinner he doesn’t get anything else that night. It still is a struggle, but worth it now versus later!! Boundaries and manners are good for kids to learn, earlier the better. I am hopeful that he “gets” it soon! And we can move on to the next toddler lesson : )!

]]> By: Jenn http://www.themomcrowd.com/stay-in-your-seat-teaching-your-toddler-how-to-eat-with-the-family/comment-page-1#comment-116577 Jenn Mon, 24 Aug 2009 23:10:08 +0000 http://www.themomcrowd.com/?p=2107#comment-116577 Thank you - great article. Our son is 15 months old and just starting to work on some of these ideas. Thank you – great article. Our son is 15 months old and just starting to work on some of these ideas.

]]> By: Amy http://www.themomcrowd.com/stay-in-your-seat-teaching-your-toddler-how-to-eat-with-the-family/comment-page-1#comment-116540 Amy Mon, 24 Aug 2009 16:18:13 +0000 http://www.themomcrowd.com/?p=2107#comment-116540 We follow the same rules- everyone always eats together, always at the same time each day; we stay seated; when you're done, you're done. And I think that is why we have always had such an easy time taking our kids out to restaurants. (they tend not to act like some of the screaming little ones that everyone dreads to sit next to) We follow the same rules- everyone always eats together, always at the same time each day; we stay seated; when you’re done, you’re done.
And I think that is why we have always had such an easy time taking our kids out to restaurants. (they tend not to act like some of the screaming little ones that everyone dreads to sit next to)

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