Guest Post from the Barefoot Foodie
I am calling in sick to my blog this week. Seriously, scrolling down pages makes me nauseated. In the meantime, here is a guest post from the hilarious Brittany from BarefootFoodie.com. Thank you, Brittany, for taking pity on me and guest posting!
I am so very excited to find myself over here on The Mom Crowd. I am an avid reader of this site, mostly because these girls are brilliant, their posts are helpful, their kids are gorgeous, yada yada, I could go on for hours, but you all already know they are all kinds of awesome. In fact, that’s why you are here, right now, reading this post, thinking, hey…this weird…this doesn’t look like a typical The Mom Crowd post…something is fishy. And, you’d be right. I am pretty sure the last thing anyone would say to me is that my posts were helpful and/or informative, unless you count “Wow, that was way more information than I needed to know about a stranger online.” So, I am cutting my losses and doing what I know best, and that is hopefully entertaining you as I share a piece of what’s going on in my life at the moment.
So, here it is.
I’m getting old.
Music is loud, computers are confusing, I listen to NPR, and before my uterus sags any closer to the ground, we need to get down to business, and by business, I mean sex…in a completely fun, yet baby making capacity.
I mean, I have things to do, body parts to tighten up and surgically re-perk, I want to add number three to our brood, talk my hubby into a little discreet clipping, and go into my thirties with my pre-baby Carmen Electra physique.
Which, I should be totally psyched about, except this time I have decided to suck the fun out of things. This time, ladies, I am taking charge…of my fertility.
Now, I’m not sure who was in charge of things before I decided to take over, but this place is a mess. Beer cans and Cheetos everywhere. X-rated movies just lying about. The whole place smells like patchouli. It’s like MTV’s Spring break in my womb.
Luckily, I am armed with the standard issue Taking Charge of your Fertility bible, the special pink thermometer, which I was relieved to learn is used to take my temp orally…and not someplace scary and uncomfortable, and I signed up for fertilityfriend.com, because honestly, I am lazy, charting is scary and daunting, and God knows where my toddlers have hidden all the pens in my house.
On top of all that, and because I clearly operate on a rational and scientific level, I’ve been googling baby making friendly diets.
Turns out, the all cherry popsicle diet I’ve been on to look more Nicole Kidman and less Carnie Wilson this pregnancy is a no go.
I just hope that when they say a diet full of protein and dairy, what they really mean is chinese take out and mint chocolate chip ice cream.
So, yeah, here we are, amidst our very first official cycle. I’ve advised my husband to not bother wearing pants this month, and I’ve just finished my second dairy mandated ice cream cone for the day, so we are good to go.
I had no idea being in charge of my fertility was so painful…the ice cream headaches are killing me (insert rim shot).
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It’s all in the trying I guess. My oven’s been removed. That is how I am in charge of my fertility. As for the ice cream headaches, drink more wine.
i took charge of my fertility as well. during that last c-section they tied those tubes…in double knots. and then later i had a uterine ablation. there should be no way for me to become pregnant. and if by some strange miracle i do you can just check me in to the nearest crazy people facility because that is what it would do to me!
i am excited for you though brittany!
I realized that I was getting ‘old’ the other day, when I found myself driving around (without my daughter for a change!), with the windows rolled down, the radio cranked and I was singing along to…I Remember You – Skid Row. I guess ALL kids will eventually suffer in the backseat of their parent’s car, while be forced to listed to ‘old people music’ :\
Good luck with your baby-making-escapades! I have something called Mittelschmerz, I can actually FEEL it when I ovulate. Most of my life it’s been a nuisance, it’s painful, but I NEVER thought I’d be THANKFUL for it until we decided to get pregnant!
Yay for baby making! October is going to be our first cycle because that’s when it will time out right for me to take 3 months off, and there will be an opening in day care at the time I need to go back. I’m nervous this time, since the last two times were unplanned, I’m worried that now that I actually am trying to get pregnant, it will de difficult. Is it sad I’m counting down the days until we can try? …and with every period I’m like ‘only two more of these bad boys!”?
ah! We are doing the fertility diet too! For both of us. You hear that Brittany? There is one for the hubby too! He should suffer dietarily with you too! And we are doing the charting. Except not with a thermometer. We are measuring other things. And if anyone else out there is charting your cycle without using a thermometer, you know exactly what I am refering too.
Gross.
Now come back home! We miss you over at barefootfoodie!
If you’re old, I shudder to think what that makes me! Also, if ice cream makes you fertile, I should be expecting triplets soon!
Good luck w/ your baby-making endeavors–I’m jealous!!
Whoo-hooo! Baby making…so fun!
I was lucky enough to know/feel when I was ovulating. #3 was our only planned one. I reasearched, uh-hem, boy baby making positions too and viola! LOL
Okay, this is gonna make for some great blog posts! I’ve got my ovaries crossed for you!
Threeboys1foodie! I didn’t know mint chip made babies. I’m switching to rocky road stat!
Holy cow, Britany’s trying for more! Good luck, the Cinnabons always worked for me getting knocked up…don’t know why, but the smell of baked goods makes the hubs feel happy!
Oh man. After a singleton and twins, I asked Santa for a vascectomy for Christmas. And he delivered.
It sounds like it should be fun, but I found the whole routine part of getting it on to be SO unromantic, and almost torture. Hope you have some tricks!
Baby making is so fun! Loved that part! How old is your youngest now? Girl, you so seem to be following in my footsteps here.
Congrats!
Jen
Love the visual of your husband walking around the office with no pants.
(office acquaintance): “Hey – trying to get pregnant?”
(Brittany’s hubs): “Yup.”
Can’t wait for the fresh source of blog fodder you are trying to conceive. The fodder factor would be my first layer of congratulations when the day arrives, and then the whole creating life and expanding the love circle that is your family, yadda yadda yadda.
Your husband should enjoy the pantless time while he can, because he’ll need the extra stores saved up for the long, long winter should you succeed.
Then, once the baby starts sleeping and becoming a real human, it’s back to buttering those corn cobs!
Dont even get me started about a sagging uterus. Maybe they have special underwear for that? Good luck and have fun!
Make that baby, Britt!
Oh, and can I be the godmother?
Thanks folks!
Charting is pretty hard…and um…I am forgoing the temping this time around as well…and it’s yucky.
Jen, I am so in your footsteps, my two boys are 1 and 2:)