Sex While Pregnant: What Happens When You Don’t Want It
Trying to get pregnant is so much fun, then you see the two blue lines and something changes. The months of fun are over and the vomiting begins. For some getting pregnant takes the pressure off and they are able to have more fun in the sack afterwards. For others that drive is simply gone and the preggy lady wants nothing to do with it. Feeling nauseated all day and a heightened sense of smell doesn’t help matters. You know, their breath smells bad, when it is probably fine every other time. It is certainly a disappointment for the guy if the latter extreme happens and their months of fun are over for a while.
The first trimester passes and you are feeling better, but now you are fat. At least you feel fat, but your preggy belly only turns him on more. Then you are told not to lay flat on your back, because you may caught off necessary oxygen to the baby. So you get creative, but that means you have to do some of the work and you are tired. And you still aren’t into it. For some reason your brain has turned off that desire and your main focus is getting through the pregnancy. You desire to please your husband and keep him happy, because a physically happy husband makes a very happy husband in every other area of life. (You may not agree with this statement, but I wholeheartedly believe it.)
So what do you do when you don’t want it or you can’t do it because of a high risk pregnancy? There are other ways to show physical affection with hugs and kisses. Spending relaxing alone time together. Communicate to him that you want to want it and that your desire will return. I clearly remember when my desire came back about three months after Annabelle was born. I was ecstatic. I had no idea when my desire for it would return. I was worried that it may not for a long time.
So maybe I wrote this post to only vent my current feelings. After morning sickness this is the worse by product of being pregnant. The first time when my husband and I went through this, he began to resent serving me and was in a rare foul mood. Then one day he figured it out. He wasn’t feeling any love, because I would push him away when he came near me, because I was sick. After he communicated how he felt to me, I made a point to try and pay him more physical attention. Things got a lot better. This second time around we were prepared. My husband knew what to expect and I try to focus on him a little more. It is really easy to get wrapped up in yourself when you are pregnant.
So am I the only one who has felt this way? Did you go to one extreme after you found out that you were pregnant?
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My husband was not around for most of the pregnancy — including the morning sickness — when I was pregnant the first time. This time, he’s getting full witness. I feel terrible turning him down every night. But the fact remains, I feel awful. Until I can keep my food down comfortably, I can’t do much of anything else. Hopefully the second trimester will bring relief for both of us this time.
@Momma Mary – morning sickness is the absolute worst!! It is certainly a shock to folks who are close to you to see how sick you really get. I agree, you can’t hardly do anything while you can’t keep food down. I hope you feel better soon!!
I totally relate! I remember with one of the pregnancies my smell was heightened and the breath was such a killer. Never bothered me before!
My husband loves kids but he doesn’t look forward to the “dry spells” that come with pregnancy. Sometimes you just have to um, please them in other ways. It helps!
I know exactly how you feel. I think it is very normal–This is my third pregnancy and luckily my husband knows what to expect this time around! I also TRY (it is hard!!) but I try to remember that even though all I want to so is sleep he may have other things in mind….
Ok, I am going to go against the husbands here. We are the ones who put our body through so much while pregnant, especially when we have other children to take care of as well. Not only trying to take care of our ever expanding body, making sure all meals are still ready on time, the house is clean and everything else that pops up in a mothers day and I think our husbands should not expect us to just suck it up sometimes. Until they can take on more of the responsibility of the pregnancy(and some husbands are wonderful and really do go far and above) they need to be more understanding and not upset that they are not getting sex.
@Amelia – I am glad I am not the only one that found the breath thing weird! It doesn’t bother me at any other time.
@Smalltowngirl – Congratulations on your third pregnancy!! It is nice when they know what to expect.
@Trina – I don’t think that the husbands get upset or angry. Most guys are very understanding. Although, if I want to help him out at any time, I have to give in. I don’t expect him to be celibate for 11 months. So I like to keep him happy. I think this is most guy’s love language. I could give him, gifts, praise, encouragement, or anything else all day long, but he still won’t feel loved. Of course, the love language of physical touch doesn’t always mean sex. My problem is that I will tend to push him away when he just wants a hug or a kiss, or even just to touch me. So I have to keep that in mind. For the record, my love language is service. And I feel like he does so much for me, that I like to reciprocate in his love language. My motivation to “suck it up” doesn’t come from a fear of him being angry with me. It comes from wanting to she him love in the way that he feels loved.
I guess I had a lot more to day about that. You do make an important point, Trina! Thanks for sharing! you know I love you!
When we were pregnant with my first it was the exact opposite of everything you all have described. We’ve always used the fertility awareness method for birth control. And once we were pregnant, we found there was so much freedom in being able to do it whenever we wanted that we did it all the time – right up until the end.
My second pregnancy was VERY different – I just didn’t want it. Mostly I was too tired.
This time around it’s a lot of the same. I have two kids to keep up with along with everything else and by 9pm all I’m ready to do in bed is sleep.
@Amanda-LOL love you too!!! I am dealing with a very dear friend of mine here in California and her husband who thinks she just needs to suck it up since she wanted to get pregnant. I just feel he needs to have some patience and understanding for her. But for the most of us we are so blessed with understanding husbands!!
I am pregnant with my 4th child. My husband wanted a big family so I am trying to give him one. I find it really difficult to pay him any attention at the end of the day because I wake up battling all day sickness and serving the needs and wants of 3 demanding kids; a 5 year old, 3 year old, and a 16 month old who has a developmental problem with her muscles, so alot of physical therapy is needed for her. I work a part time job in the afternoons standing on my feet for 6 and 1/2 hours. I have a very emotionally needy husband. I just can’t find the time or the energy to give to him. He always thinks I am cheating on him or I don’t love him. I try to tell him that I do love him very much and certainly don’t have the time to cheat but…..anyway… he is a very good husband and waits on me hand and foot when given the opportunity and I feel bad but I just don’t know what to do about it. What can I do to at least let him know I do love him and am trying very hard to be a good wife and mother .I am just exhausted.
my teacher is pregnant but she doesnt have a husband nor a boyfriend i am so freaking confused. can someone give me the answer????