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When Do You Tell People You Are Pregnant?

by Amanda on July 27, 2008
category: 0 – 1 year (baby),Pregnancy

peestick.jpg After I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago my husband and I had to decide when to tell people we are pregnant with our second. With the first baby we immediately told our family and a few close friends who knew we were trying. My mother-in-law’s Baby Radar is off the charts and we wanted to tell her before she figured it out herself. I waited to tell my job and the rest of the world until after my first appointment at the doctor’s office.

This time around we decided to birth at the San Antonio Birthing Center and my first appointment isn’t until I am 10 – 12 weeks along. We just can’t wait that long for confirmation before we tell everyone. Also, with me getting sick so early it is kind of hard to hide. So we told the world last week.

I know some people enjoy having a secret or choose to keep it a secret until they have more confirmation than a pee stick that everything is okay. I have never been through the loss of a pregnancy. I wouldn’t know if I would want the support of my friends if something horrible happens or if I would hate having to tell people over and over again what happened. I think this is one of the main reasons people wait to tell the world. Everyone’s situation is so different based on their previous experiences and the way they handle grief.

It all comes down to the time that you feel comfortable telling everyone. Also, as friends and family we she should never be insulted or upset when we hear that someone else is pregnant and has been for a long time. When someone chooses to tell you is completely up to them.

My husband and I aren’t the kind of people that can keep exciting news to ourselves. Two months ago I told a few friends that I thought I was pregnant only to get a full blown period a few days later and sending out a sheepish email saying I wasn’t after all. (I really think that when you get off the pill your hormones go all wacky.) I would definitely wait until you see the double pink lines before you tell people that you think you are pregnant.

When did you tell people you were pregnant? Was anyone ever insulted that you told them later in your pregnancy? 

Additional Resources:

BabyCenter: When should I tell family members that I’m pregnant?
Mothering: When to tell people that you are pregnant?
The Poop: When should you tell people you’re pregnant?

31 Responses to When Do You Tell People You Are Pregnant?

  • Gravatar
    Comment by San Diego Momma
    July 27, 2008 @ 9:55 pm

    First one, I waited about two months, second one, right away!

    I’ve never been one to keep my mouth shut.

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Vered
    July 27, 2008 @ 9:58 pm

    I waited the customary first semester with both pregnancies. :)

  • Gravatar
    Comment by bekkah
    July 28, 2008 @ 5:57 am

    Congratulations!

    My closest friend knew before my husband (how terrible is THAT!), she was there when the stick turned positive to screech, clap and hug me WAY too tight! My mom and sister found out two months later and the rest of the world knew by the time we were 3-4 months along.

    Keeping our pregnancy a secret was by far the hardest thing E.V.E.R.!!!

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Trina
    July 28, 2008 @ 8:04 am

    I am so happy for all three of you.

    With our first we found out and waited about a week for it to sink in. We were not trying. But we tired to call all parents from all sides and no one would answer the phone. So the first to find out was a very good friend.

  • Comment by Dawn
    July 28, 2008 @ 1:55 pm

    Both times we spilled the beans immediately! Good news is hard not to share, and people would wonder about the goofy glowy expression on our faces before long…

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Katie
    July 28, 2008 @ 4:59 pm

    Congratulations!

    I just can’t keep a secret to save my life (about myself anyway). We told almost everyone we were pregnant right away. I managed to wait until I was 12 weeks along before I told people at work (but only because my doctor suggested it).

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Sandie Law
    July 28, 2008 @ 5:14 pm

    I told everyone the day I found out! I can’t keep a secret either. I know a lot of women wait until 12 weeks to tell their employer and others out of concern for a miscarriage. :)

  • Comment by McKenna
    July 28, 2008 @ 9:56 pm

    We told everyone right away with my first and second. My second ended in a miscarriage and I think we waited almost the full first trimester the next time around to tell everyone. A select few were in on our news. If we have another biological child, we will probably be waiting a long time to tell anyone. I could see myself not telling anyone until I’m showing! My pregnancies were so public before, and I would like to go through a pregnancy where it’s calm and quiet and a little more private.

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Heidi
    July 29, 2008 @ 9:35 am

    W/our 1st child, we told people as soon as the morning sickness kicked in which was only a few days after we found out the news ourselves.

    We wanted to wait until I was out of my 1st trimester with our 2nd child, but my husband’s grandmother had a dream the week we conceived that I was pregnant with a girl. When we found out I was pregnant 2 weeks later we spilled the beans.

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Not yet preggers
    July 29, 2008 @ 11:02 am

    My husband and I will be trying to get pregnant with our first in the next month and are beginning to talk through some ideas to get on the same page before the chaos begins. When we get pregnant I would love to tell our families and wait to tell the rest of the world, but his mother has such a big mouth that it just wouldn’t be a secret from everyone else for long? My husband is all for telling, but I’m hesitant. Since we can’t really meet half way here, how do we reconcile?

  • Gravatar
    Comment by natalie
    July 29, 2008 @ 12:18 pm

    We told right away. I was really sick with both of them anyway so I’m sure it was easy to guess!

  • Comment by Sharon M
    July 29, 2008 @ 1:48 pm

    McKenna, I had a similar situation; i miscarried between my first and second. It was sooooo hard to tell everyone what happened, because we had told all of our family members (and a few friends) a week after we took the test. For me, it was more difficult (emotionally) to deal with that than the actual miscarriage. So when we got pregnant with my daughter, we waited until the end of the first trimester before we said anything. I think that, if we have another one, we’ll probably wait a while like we did with her.

  • Gravatar
    Comment by g
    October 14, 2008 @ 12:34 pm

    with the 1st, we had only told a few people & then lost a day or two later. It was sad communicating it to others but on the other hand I was really grateful for the emotional support.

    within a month we were preggo again & told everyone right away & our son was born just fine.

    now, we are trying to have a 2nd baby & since i’ve been through a miscarriage I’m hestitant now to share right away, but that’s just who I am. i can’t keep secrets! not ones i’m soooo excited about! :)

    I’m actually really torn, if we did have another miscarriage I would HATE to go through that alone. I’d probably wind up telling my mom/my mother’n'law, best friends, etc. anyways. I can’t hide when I stub my toe, let alone the grief of losing a child.

    So, i think i’m landing on just sharing with everyone at 3-4weeks & if I miscarry I communicate it and allow others into our pain.

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Marlie
    November 20, 2008 @ 6:13 am

    I am 3 weeks now and I have told everyone. I can’t keep a secret to save my life either. I took 4 home pregnancy tests. They were all positive and I got confirmation with a blood test at a urgent care center. This is our first child together and we are really excited. We just got married 5 months ago. That was our only concern with telling people.(so soon after getting married). Oh well. Congrats to everyone.

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Mandy
    January 29, 2009 @ 3:40 pm

    I’m just under 4 weeks with our first child. This has been very planned and close friends and family knew we were shooting for an October baby (yay for making the date!)… i’ve told 3 of my closest friends because i had to have someone to freak out with :D

    I really know that we will not be able to keep this a secret. Way too exciting. We’ll tell the family this weekend :D

    Congrats to you all! I hope you all have a save pregnancy!

  • Gravatar
    Comment by John & Monica
    February 2, 2009 @ 11:09 am

    My wife and I found out yesterday with 2 positive tests.. superbowl sunday, and she told one coworker and that coworkers told all the rest of her work..

    Today I wanted to be there for a doctor to tell her, she did a test at drs office they said yes.. my wife and I are still nervous since we have been trying to get pregnant for so long took like 2-3 years to have our first then its been over 3 years now and she is finally pregnant again.. we both want it to go smoothly they said the baby is due on 10/8/09 so I guess she is 1 month pregnant or less?

    We suck at keeping secrets so we told our parents yesterday about the positive test and then today we told some coworkers so we can get the time off when needed for appointments etc..

    We are super excited and I know my wife is very happy, (maybe still in shock) she stresses about it so much about why she is not getting pregnant but lately she has been more relaxed started eating better, and working out and getting diabetes under control and bam she is preggers..

    woo hoo..

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Kim
    February 4, 2009 @ 2:52 pm

    I was cramping Sunday, Jan 19th & 20th (Day 21 & 22) and a home test came back negative so I thought I wasn’t pregnant and was PMS cramping but when my period still didn’t come (my cycle is 23-24 days), I tested again and got double lines. I waved the urine stick in front of my sleeping fiance’s eyes. The next day I had Sunday school and blurted right out to the Rabbi that I just found out I was pregnant in front of 12 other students. I don’t know what came over me???
    A couple of the people that I have told have accidentally told other people, and the constant you are glowing comments from people that don’t know make it hard to keep my mouth shut. Add the waves on tiredness and the raised eyebrows when I refuse wine and order decaf coffee. I’m just out of my usual character. In the end, I just decided to tell everyone that is close to me. My husband was worried about saying anything too soon but got nabbed by his co-workers and decided to tell his family and then his friend rather than have random people know before your closest. He told everyone at the Super Bowl Party.
    I sometimes get a tsk tsk when certain people find out that I am telling in the first trimester but my health care provider and my best friend who is a ob/gyn and widwife told me to feel free to rejoice with others and most importantly sit back and enjoy the ride. This is such a special time you don’t want to tune out because you are worried about miscarriage. Think the best and the best will come. I’m 39 and this is my first child. I’m certainly not going to wait until 5 months when I have an amniocentesis before I start celebrating. Beside our wedding is in April and already I have a belly and I went up three cup sizes and I’m just 6 weeks. I couldn’t hide it if I wanted to.
    The most important pro for telling people early is getting early advice. I would have never known that I couldn’t quaff caffeine if I hadn’t told my girlfriend. I am a professional singer and I am already getting work offers in October. I need to consult with other work friends of mine to figure out how long I am going to need off before and after and also give my band enough notice so they don’t lose work for 2 or more months because I didn’t give them enough notice. Plus I needed to ask my fiance’s mom about blood type and medical history for the doctor’s appointment.
    For me telling everyone close to me was the right answer. I’m in the sixth week and due late September/first week of October.

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Tara Murphy
    February 8, 2009 @ 6:42 pm

    hi iam 18 years old and dont really understand all this talk on ovulation dates and things but i really need some advice, my last period was on the 22nd dec 08, and i came off on the 29th dec 08, then i had unprotected sex early hours 1/1/09 and he ejaculated up me 3 times whilst having sex, and i still havent come on, i keep getting really bad cramping asif i am just going to come on and am losing a lot of discharge i had std test done and they was all clear, and i just want fried mushrooms all the time haha.. i am too scared to do a pregnancy test because it was just a one night stand..and am scared do you think i could be pregnant? or could it just all be in my head? please help. xxxx

  • Gravatar
    Comment by kate
    February 9, 2009 @ 4:16 am

    tara hun do a test even thow your havin cramps you still could be pregnant im 6 wks hun with my second child and you do get period like cramps its normal alot of woman get them . do a test hun an go from there what ever happens good luck and take care x

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Julie
    March 10, 2009 @ 9:13 am

    We told family and very close friends at 8 weeks. Everyone was thrilled for us except my best friend. She is in her 40′s and had gone through two rounds of unsuccessful IVF. It was very sad. It was very difficult having such a close relationship with her to hardly speaking. After telling her our news she avoided my calls for three weeks. She was the person I was so desperately wanting to be a part of this. Well, I am now 24 weeks and she is still avoiding me. Turns out, my so called best friend was disgusted that we shared our joyous news at eight weeks. She thought it was too early and what would we do if something happened? I heard this from another dear friend. Now I am just really mad!! Hmmmm…I thought it was up to the happy couple to decide when to share baby news not others. You would think she would move on and finally be happy for us because I am clearly pregnant at this point and people just might notice! I am afraid there is no recovery from this behavior. What do I do?? I miss her even though I am livid with her.

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Carrie
    April 6, 2009 @ 12:11 pm

    Julie- I understand your frustration with your friend with the unsuccessful IVF, but when you are trying to get pregnant and it seems so easy for others around you, it is eary to get jealous. We are now pregnant with our first after 1.5 years of trying. Although that is nothing compared to others, when I heard someone was pregnant, my first emotion was jealousy. Hearing your joyous news just reminds her of what she wants so badly and doesn’t have. I would give her some time and let go of any anger you have with her.

    We told our immediate family right away at 5 weeks, but will wait to tell everyone else until after 13 weeks. I am worried about miscarriage and feel it would be easier if only our close family knew.

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Rebecca
    April 13, 2009 @ 2:20 pm

    Well, I just found out that I am pregnant. Of course I told my husband right away, but I’m also debating on when to tell people. I go to the doctor tomorrow, so I definitely want to wait till I get that confirmation. I’m thinking family and close friends in about a week or two and will wait to tell work until the 1st trimester.

  • Gravatar
    Comment by teresa
    April 17, 2009 @ 4:25 pm

    I found out im pregnant and there is a pulse and all that three weeks ago – we told my parents – his mum, my sisters and three friends. To be honest I didnt want to tell the friends but i need the support and my sisters live abroad. I feel ill most days- dont sleep – need to sleep deseperately- vomiting – hormonal – all the usual. Im waiting until week 12 before we tell anyone else

  • Gravatar
    Comment by tricia
    April 18, 2009 @ 8:39 am

    I am currently around 7 weeks pregnant and have known for 3 weeks now. Since this is my 4th child I really have no interest in telling people just yet. With our first we called our family right away and it wasn’t long until we were telling other people. The 2nd and 3rd were such surprised we waited a few weeks but I am bad at holding secrets. Then I realized the longer other people know about it the longer your pregnancy seems. So even though I know my parents are pretty sure I am pregnant because of how I am acting and feeling I am not saying a word. I just am gonna wait until I have no choice but to tell. Maybe when I am wearing maturnity clothes. (LOL) I gotta get to the doctor sometime but I am gonna hold that off for a while also. With my last baby I think I only went to the doctors office 3 times before he was born. I figure I got a lot of it down now. GOOD LUCK Ladies!!!!

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Anne
    June 21, 2009 @ 8:57 pm

    With our first, we told close friends and family @ 6 weeks. I think a lot of them had a hard time with us telling them so early – they were sort of shocked it was so early in the pregnancy and said it might be better if we waited to tell people. I think it is so weird when people judge that. If I had had a miscarriage, I would want those people who were close to me to know and to have their support, so why is it weird to tell them? And even if some people don’t feel the same way, it seems an opinion to keep to yourself. Those same people were overjoyed that all ended up being okay and very much celebrated the baby, but what an odd way to get started on the journey with their less than enthusiastic reaction.

    With our second now, I am @ 6 weeks and we have told a few very close friends (who are super happy for us) and my dad, brother and SIL. We are hesitant to tell anyone else b/c of the reception last time but we WANT to tell them! So, maybe we will wait a few weeks, but I feel it is more for their prudishness than me own concern. I am aware of the risks at this point in a pregnancy, and hope for the best, but either way it is still a part of me and not something I could pretend didn’t happen if there were to be a problem. Anyhow, here is to positive thinking and being supportive of others regardless of ones opinion! :)

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Anonymus
    August 24, 2009 @ 11:02 am

    This is our first child and we told our family at 6 weeks. The day after we told our family, I was having severe abdominal cramping and went to Emergency. I had an ultrasound, blood tests, etc, and everything looked normal. The fetal pole was visible as well as the yolk sac. It was such a relief to know everything was looking normal, and with a heart beat visible, there is less of a chance of miscarriage. It is really hard for me to keep my mouth shut about anything, especially big news like this. We are hoping for the best, but due to the minor scare, I think I would wait until the first ultrasound and make sure there is a heartbeat before telling anyone.

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Amy
    March 4, 2012 @ 9:36 am

    We told right away. In the book “Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy”, Vicky described it as “calling in the troops”. I wear my emotions on my sleeve so when our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, I felt supported and like I didn’t thave to wear a mask. It helped me grieve openly. With our second pregnancy (hard to believe Stella is almost 10 years old!!!) we told right away again. People were able to understand my fears (which I think we all have) and supported me with my history in mind. 3rd pregnancy – same thing. Owen is almost 6! There’s no right or wrong way to do it. I always tell newly pregnant moms to be prepared. It’s the first decision in parenting that carries some controversy!

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Ashley
    July 20, 2012 @ 1:54 am

    We are getting ready to tell our parents today. I’m nervous and excited and every other emotion. I really just want to tell my mom. Its been so hard keeping this from her. Shes my best friend and I know I can count on her. We’re 5 weeks. Got a call from the doc yesterday to confirm all those positive tests I had taken, and sure enough here we are. :) I hope everything goes great and my worries subside at least a little. This will be our first. Been married for a year in a half. :) )

  • Gravatar
    Comment by ♪and dancer for ∞ & beyond
    October 20, 2012 @ 12:34 am

    Hi, I’m lizze. I’m 14 yrs old. Don’t worry I’m not
    Pregnant…. if I was I wouldn’t be on here. But, unfortunately
    My bff is. She is actually 17, which I guess is at least
    A little better than me being pregnant. And my prob is
    she asked me for advice to kill it, put it up for adoption
    or keep it and let me and her mom help her. Also she asked
    ME to be their for the birth if all goes well. I want to help
    Her and do all that stuff with her, but I’m ONLY 14!!!
    She also is engadged, and purpously got preggieo,
    but, she doesn’t know if she thinks shes ready like she used
    to. She doesn’t want to kill it, and nor do i! I would say almost
    everybody wouldn’t want to kill it. And shes afraid she is gonna
    get to attatched to it….. we have started looking at names and
    family’s 4 adoption. My aunt just got preggo w/her 2nd. I asked
    her for advice and every one is saying adoption. We-me and her
    were thinking find a few decent couples just in case. But she
    graduated early Cuz she skipped 3rd, 6th, and 9th. She is
    getting married on the 9th of January 2013. Help me to help
    her! WHAT DO I DO? •√•
    O -ahhhhh

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Sue
    October 26, 2012 @ 11:42 am

    Lizzie. I assume your friend’s parents don’t know she’s pregnant and that’s why she’s relying on you for advice. I understand you want to be a good friend and be there for her, but it’s also very unfair since you yourself are still a child and don’t have the life experience necessary. Since she graduated early, she may not have access to a school counselor like you, but you should talk to yours and see if they can provide you with some information to adoption organizations in your area that your friend can contact. Also he/she can help provide you some support emotionally/psychologically so you don’t have to bear the burden of this secret alone. Any organization your friend goes through should be able to guide her to find the emotional support she herself needs. The more people are involved, the easier the load of this tough situation will be. Keeping this secret will only cause more stress for your friend and not to mention the baby. Ultimately, she should sit down with her parents and tell them the truth. They may not be happy about the situation, but can ultimately be the best.support system she can have.

  • Gravatar
    Comment by Andrea Ortiz
    January 16, 2013 @ 3:41 pm

    I just found out yesterday that I’m around 5 weeks pregnant I have told just about everyone but my boyfriend has not told his family I guess he wants to wait til I’m 12 weeks I feel kinda bad for telling anyone my fear is having a miscarriage my first pregnancy resulted in a miscarriage but I have had 3 awesome healthy kids after that just hope all goes well with this little one

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