The Mom Crowd

I recently watched a documentary called Raising Cain which is about some of the unique needs and issues that boys face today. It has some good insights in it-especially in understanding why boys seem to have more trouble in school than girls do. The documentary looks into the emotional needs of boys and how important the influence of men are in their lives.

My husband and I came up with this list together but he had most of the ideas. He has spent a lot of time thinking about how to raise 3 boys–all who have unique personalities and interests. I realize that some of you may not have a father in your sons’ lives but I hope this list helps you appreciate the men who are involved in your kids lives. Richard Rohr, author of Adam’s Return: The Five Promises of Male Initiation, after studying male initiation rites all over the world, says that all boys need men who are not their father to teach them what it means to be a man. So to all those men who are helping our sons become men–this is for you.

1. Play. When it is time for bath time at our house my two older sons ask every night, “do we have time for wrestling?” Every night. It is probably their favorite time of the day. During the day I let the boys climb on me but it just isn’t the same as rough housing with daddy or wrestling with their daddy. There is something fun for a boy when he gets to test his strength with daddy. Even though the boys know daddy is stronger, it gives them confidence when they can get a good wrestling move in on daddy. Jon uses that time for physical bonding and to teach them that they can get bonked around and have fun at the same time. I always hear squeals of laughter and delight and it makes my heart smile. You have probably noticed that men play much different than us moms do.

2. Modeling. Having different men involved in our sons’ lives models different examples of what it means to be a “man”. Having a variety of male influences in the lives of boys helps them to see that they can still be a man if they don’t like to play sports and prefer to read instead. My 4 year old loves being outside and trying out sports. He loves to run around and be active playing different outside games. My 3 year old will play along if we are doing a sports activity but his MO is books, stories, and imagination. Reading and playing imagination games really get him excited. Right now we just encourage play and trying lots of new things but I wonder if as they grow older my 4 year old will be more of a jock and my 3 year old will be more of an academic or creative person. There is a lot of pressure on young boys that they need to fulfill a certain criteria in order to be a man but they truth is that there is a huge spectrum of diversity in interests and talents. Which leads me to my next point….

3. Affirming emotions. “Boys/Men don’t cry” is probably one of the biggest lies that gets passed on to boys. Continuing to teach that to our boys is harmful but when a boy hears from a man that it is okay to have feelings (like sadness) and that it is okay to cry means much more to him than hearing it from his own mother. Jon has mentioned to me that it is a tough balance to teach boys how to both express those sadness feelings and also not be made fun of by peers. Boys learn how to express anger, sadness, and joy from watching other men. Tell the men in your sons lives to draw out their emotions and to affirm them.

4. Risk Taking. Us moms are the nurturers. We tend to tense up and shout out “Be Careful!” when our kids try something new–like climbing up the ladder for the first time at the playground. Our husbands and other men tend to hang back and tell the kids to go for it. Both are important. Kids definitely need nurturing but it goes against my nature to encourage a lot of risk taking. I appreciate that about my husband. I don’t want my sons to be wimps but I don’t think I would be able to teach them how to take a lot of physical or mental risks on my own.

5. Modeling Attitudes And Behaviors Toward Women. My husband is good about pointing out that they are to be respectful toward mommy. He is proactive in teaching the boys to honor women/girls and that they aren’t the “bad other”. It is a normal development when suddenly boys think girls are “yucky”. They start to realize that Barbie is for girls and girls like pink–and that stuff is “sooo yucky”. Sure, they learn it from social cues around them but when boys see other men treating women with respect they will learn it too. We don’t want our sons to think of women as weak or to patronize them but we do want our sons to be chivalrous and respectable young men.

I know that as my sons grow up it will be important for them to have other positive male influences in their lives. As they grow up I will encourage them to spend time with their grandpas, uncles, godparents, and family friends. We have often talked about having an all boys camping trip with some good friends of ours who have a son too (unfortunately we currently live across the country from them). I think creating opportunities for male bonding and influence will come more often as the boys grow older. Together we can shape these boys into the men we want to see them become.

This past week, our whole family attended the National Down Syndrome Congress’ (NDSC) annual conference. This is the third year I have gone. This year’s convention was held in Boston, Massachusetts. I can’t say enough great things about visiting Boston. The Boston area is so rich in American history! The kids did so well on the trip. My fears were Connor on the plane, Connor going to sleep at night, and Darah becoming overstimulated. Connor LOVED flying and went to bed like a champ. We didn’t have to put his crib in the bathroom like I thought we would, and we even got to keep the television on while he slept right through it! Darah did have one really horrific day and didn’t do so well on the plane trip home, but all in all, she did 100 times better than I expected! On a scale of 1-10, Connor got a “10” and Darah got a “6.5” after all was said and done. That’s not too bad!

The NDSC put on a great conference and I came home with a lot of information. I attended a workshop about gross motor skills post walking led by Pat Winders. Pat is a physical therapist who has done so much research on children with Down syndrome and how their gross motor skills develop. Another workshop I attended was all about Obstructive Sleep Apnea (OSA). Dr. Sally Shott is an ENT physician from Cincinnati who specializes in children with Down syndrome. She spoke about treatment options and other related issues to OSA. I am excited to share all the information I have learned on OSA, but that will be saved for another post! This is just a glimmer of the education I received while I was in Boston, and I’m anxiously awaiting for the audio of the workshops I wasn’t able to attend.

Another cool thing that happened in Boston was meeting again and talking with Denise from eReadingPro, which is one of The Mom Crowd’s sponsors and the reason Darah is doing so well with her reading. It was great talking with her one-on-one and meeting her other half. We left the day she had her workshop, or I so would have been there! She’s a ton of fun!  Actually, I spent most of my time with another one of our sponsors, Bethany, from The Polkadot Platypus!  In the picture above, she is the second from the left.  She’s my twin!

The very best part of my trip was meeting up with old friends and making new friends! I have made a lot of online friends through an online forum for parents of children with Down syndrome. This group has been the most amazing family and has given me so much support and encouragement. I have formed some of my closest friendships from this online group and it’s been great to reunite with these friends in person! I was able to meet some people in real life for the first time. It was so great to see these pictures and personalities come to life! Darah’s extra chromosome and the internet has connected me with a very special family!

If you have a child with Down syndrome, I strongly encourage you to attend one of these national conferences. You will walk away with a wealth of information and will have made new life-long friends. Here’s some points to consider:

• Book your hotel early! We had to stay at a hotel across the street because the conference hotel fills up fast!
• Check with your local group to see if they provide scholarships or grants for families attending the conference. Some groups will pay a grant in exchange for you writing up an article for their newsletter on what you learned. Other groups will send their top volunteers to the conference! That is how I paid for my first two conferences! President Bush’s stimulus check paid for a chunk of this year’s conference!
• Make it a family vacation! There are grandparent workshops, a whole separate conference for individuals with Down syndrome and a separate conference for siblings of individuals with Down syndrome.
• If you are not able to attend, think about purchasing the c.d. from the conference and listening to the workshops!

2009’s conference will be in Sacramento, California from July 31-August 2. I’m booking my hotel as soon as they post the information!

Have you ever met any online friends IRL (in real life)? What was that like? Did you attend this year’s conference? What did you think?

How well do you like your Pediatrician? Occasionally I get asked by my friends who my Pediatrician is and how well I like her. When I needed to choose one I read a ton of  articles online about what to look for and asked my friends for referrals. We also interviewed our doctor to make sure that we had the same theories on health care and our personalities fit.

Here are a few practical tips about choosing a Pediatrician:

Consider the location of the office. How far do you want to drive for well baby check ups? Do you want to drive farther if you really love one doctor?

Interview prospective Pediatricians and have your questions ready. They usually have designated office hours to be interviewed. It can really save you a lot of heartache to meet them in person before they show up in your hospital room. Also, you will be able to check out the office before you bring your baby. Is it clean? Are the well children separated from the sick children?

Make sure that they service the hospital you are birthing at. Not all pediatricians have access to every hospital in town.

Do they really match your health care philosophy? For example, how well do they encourage breastfeeding if you want to breastfeed? They may say that they encourage breastfeeding, but what is their philosophy on supplementing? Especially during the time while you are waiting for your milk to come in. Most doctors won’t say that they prescribe a lot of medicine. I think you have to tell their philosophy about meds by the way they speak about prescriptions.

Find out how long the nurse has assisted the doctor. I think you can tell a lot about a doctor by how well they get along with their co-workers. My doctor’s nurse has been with her for over 18 years. That seemed like a good sign to me.  Also, there may be no way of knowing, but having a competent nurse comes in very handy. Many times she has solved my problem over the phone without coming in for a visit.

Ask for referrals from your friends. This is by far the best source of information in finding a Pediatrician. I asked everyone I knew and interviewed one based on the information I received. Moms can tell you first hand if they are pleased with their doctor’s office.

Does the Pediatrician’s office have weekend hours? I have went in on a Saturday once and I was very thankful that I didn’t have to wait three more days with my super sick baby to find out what is wrong.

Find another doctor if you don’t feel comfortable with your own. At your first visit you don’t sign a contract agreeing to only use them as your doctor for the next five years. If you don’t like the care you are getting or the way they communicate information to you, then you have freedom to find another one you like.

Pray and trust your Mom Instincts. Sometimes you have several choices and they all seem like good options. I would go with your instinct and go with the doctor you have peace about. That is how I ultimately chose mine and I have been happy with my decision.

Do you have any tips for new moms looking for a Pediatrician? Do you like your doctor? Why do you like them? Have you had any problems with your Pediatrician?

More Information:

Shopping for a Pediatrician on WebMD

Choosing a Doctor for Your Baby on Baby Center

Choosing a Pediatrician on Expectatant Mother’s Guide

10 Questions to Ask When Choosing a Pediatrician on iVillage

Choosing a Pediatrician on Ask Dr. Sears

If you are mom and a blogger then you should definitely take a peak into the clubhouse of the Mom Blogger’s Club (MBC) and go on in. I have been a member for over three months and it is a great place to ask questions and meet other bloggers. The Mom Blogger’s Club is the social network arm of The Mom Salon and is founded by Jennifer James. I have had a little bit of personal correspondence with Jennifer, read her blog posts and her participation in the club and found that she is one of the most encouraging and unpretentious bloggers I have ever met.

The Mom Blogger’s Club allows you to have your own profile page where other moms can leave you comments and you can share news and post pictures and add friends. In the “We’re Talkin’” section there are general questions that are open to anyone to answer. You can also join groups or start your own group based on your specific interests.

The members in this community are very active. If you ask a question, you will almost get an answer within a day. Also, you will get quality answers. Some questions are asked within a group and you have to be a member of that group to answer the question. All you need to do is click “join this group” unless the group is closed. The questions are about everything blogging like who designed your blog, what turns you off on a blog, and what your husband or significant other thinks about your blogging. There is also a section about Motherhood, Parenting, & Family.

The design of MBC is incredibly easy to navigate. Their front page has a lot of information without seeming to be cluttered. I found it simple to set up my account and to start meeting other people.

In some networks I have felt shy about sending friend requests and “adding friends,” but I don’t find that here. Most people are willing to help you and be your friend. It is up to each of us how much we want to network and connect with each other. Even if you don’t ask questions or add friends you will still learn a lot about blogging from the discussions.

Note: You must use the “www.” when typing in their url (www.mombloggersclub.com) or you won’t be able to get to the site.

Are you a member of Mom Blogger’s Club? How do you like it? Are you active? Are you sick of joining every social network under the sun?

I hope everyone had a great weekend! We did a theme night Saturday night and stuffed our faces with Indian food and watched ‘The Namesake.’

Just wanted to let you know that if everything goes according to plan the next episode of The Mom Crowd Show! will be out next Monday. McKenna was away this week at the National Down Syndrome Conference. Also, McKenna and I are running a 5K this weekend and will be filming the show at the finish line.

Finally, be sure to check out our new Promo Code page. There are some fabulous discounts from Moon and Back Studios, Shop at Baby Cakes, and Bugalug Baby!