The Mom Crowd

A couple of weeks ago, Amelia posted a method for how to get our preschoolers to pick up their toys.  It was a battle we ‘ve waging in our home, so the timing was right for us to try Amelia’s suggestion.  I read and re-read her post, shared it in detail with my hubby so we’d be on the same page, and even made a cheat-sheet on the how-to so I would get it just right (nerdy + forgetful = me).

The results have been middling for our family.  My preschoolers are 3 and almost 2.  I explained the new “deal” over and over again for close to a week, and our kids just didn’t get it.  Or maybe they did get it and just didn’t care a whole lot.  It was a combination of both, I think.  At the end of the first night, my hubby was the only parent home – poor guy! – so he was left alone to implement the consequence of the kids’ choice not to pick up their toys: he filled 3 kitchen-sized garbage bags with all the junk that had covered our floor.  He reported to me that their response was curious and bemused.  In fact, my son eagerly started putting the toys into the garbage bags to help him.   Why not the toybox just one foot away, son?  What’s the appeal of the new container?  Lucy, my 3 year old, kept asking questions the next day, like, “Where are the toys going, Mommy?”  “They’re going bye-bye.”  “But where?”  “Someplace else where you can’t have them.”  “Where?”  etc etc.  It didn’t seem like a sad situation for her, just a discussion about geography.

Every now and then, Lucy would help out in a great way with a chore around the house, so we allowed her to get a toy out of one of the garbage bags.  This pleased her for about 3 seconds.  Then said toy was placed on the floor and forgotten about until later that night when she chose not to put it away.

Hubby and I have not sat and confirmed this together (yet), but I think it’s kind of understood for us that this strategy is not the right one for our kids at this point in time.  I’m sure I’ll try it again in a few months.  I can say that I haven’t missed the 3-5 bags of toys that are stored in our garage at the moment – and frankly, the kids don’t seem to miss them much, either.  Maybe cutting out half of their toys was what we all needed anyway.  🙂  I’m sure we’ll just give them away.

As for the messes they continue to make every day, I’m onto the next strategy: we don’t do the next activity until a mess is taken care of.  The promise of the next trip outside, coloring session, or even an errand to the store is incentive enough for the kids to get their little butts moving, at the moment.  But this is all still very much a trial-and-error issue for our family.

Did any of you put Amelia’s advice into practice?  What has worked for you?  What other clean-up-your-toys strategies have you employed?

Photo courtesy of rogue3w

I had my first prenatal appointment today with the midwife group that I see.  The birth center is downtown which is about 35 minutes from where we live.  As I was driving I got teary because I knew that when I got to the appointment I would feel very cared for.  I wouldn’t have to put on a positive, faith-filled front. I knew I could let my guard down and share my concerns and worries.  I wasn’t toting all the kids with me so I wouldn’t have to play mommy either.  It felt nice that I wouldn’t have to reciprocate any questions.  I had the luxury of going somewhere that was just for me.  

It sounds sort of selfish, I know.  It felt more like I was going to a counseling appointment than a prenatal appointment.  I have a lot on my plate right now.  We are downsizing in a MAJOR way, selling more things than we are keeping, and moving across the country back to Texas before moving to England later this summer. And we just moved up our leave date to Texas by about 11 days so the pressure to finish all that needs to be done has gone up a new notches. There are so many details that float through my head on an hourly basis it is exhausting.  I’ve been sick with a cold and sinus problems for the past 2 weeks–sometimes feeling okay and sometimes laid out on the couch.  I’m mindful of keeping the stress of the 2 upcoming moves as little as possible for all the kids.  And hubby and I are having a lot of conversations about all the details and trying to communicate well about them (a.k.a not argue and take the stress out on each other).

I walked into the appointment and was purely thankful because I knew that the midwife I was seeing was “with me”.  Midwife means with woman. And she is for me. One of the first things she said was, “I have a lot of things to ask, but first is there anything that you would like to talk about…any concerns or questions?”  There was no hurry, no pressed time.  She was all ears about any questions I had.  I did have a small list.  I’ve been having a little spotting the past few days so I wanted to talk about that.  I told her that although I have been thankful for much less nausea this pregnancy it did have me concerned because it has been so different from my last 3 pregnancies.  I mentioned that I don’t want to have another (almost) 12 lb. baby and would like some direction on what to do about that.  I also needed some guidance on what I could do with all the sinus headaches I’ve been having for the past week.  Even though I had my last baby with the group, she looked at my file and looked over any concerns about my last pregnancies and/or health issues.  We went through my health history together and I was free to share any new thoughts that came up during our conversation.  Through all of our conversation, she was very encouraging and reassuring.  I never felt stupid for asking questions and I never felt like I needed to rush.

She asked me if I was comfortable with getting an ultrasound to help me feel better about how the baby is doing.  I agreed and made an appointment for early next week.  We tried to listen to the heartbeat but since I am still in my 10th week I knew it would be a slim shot.  We didn’t get to hear it but I knew it wasn’t something to worry about.   She did an exam to check my cervix and make sure it was closed and to look and see if there was any old/new blood.  As she did the exam she walked me through the whole thing (even though I totally know what to expect).  I still appreciate it because she is respecting me as a woman/mother.  We set up an another appointment right before we move even though it is a few days earlier than it would normally be.  I don’t think I’ll have prenatal care again until we get to England so having one more appointment just to check on me seemed important.  They will have my file ready so I can take it to England with me.  She was very encouraging about the prenatal care I will get in England.  She worked with a midwife who was trained in England, so is familiar with the system and how it works.  

Even though I am a birth teacher and I know a lot of information about pregnancy and birth, I still need to be cared for.  I don’t mean to imply that my husband doesn’t take care of me or look out for me, or that my friends and family don’t care. It’s just that there are many different hats I wear as a wife, friend, daughter, sister, mother etc.  Do you know what I mean?

I left my appointment feeling relaxed, uplifted and cared for.  And that is how it should be!  I love midwifery care! I love that one of the values of midwifery care is to look at my whole person–not just the baby growing inside me.  I find that I appreciate it more, the more children I have!  There are many women who choose midwifery care (from Certified Nurse Midwives-CNMs) even though they want epidurals during their labors or need to have c-sections for one reason or another.  You don’t have to be earthy-birthy to love the personalized care you often get from midwives.  Their job is to be “with woman” and to care for her where she is–not make her super granola.  

I’m sure that many of you have had similar experiences with ob/gyns but I have heard many, many stories where that is not the case.  I just like to throw out an alternative for anyone who might be looking for something different, who might need some extra attention during pregnancy and motherhood.  Midwives are wonderful and I hope that anyone who has been comtemplating switching practices might consider the midwifery model of care.  Most CNMs also do well-woman visits too!  

So what do you think?  Does that kind of care sound appealing to you?  What extras do you need when you are pregnant? Would you ever try going to a midwife?  Why or why not?

• 1st photo courtesy of naturalkinds
• 2nd photo courtesy of RahelSharon

I went garage sale shopping last weekend and I am hooked. Friends have told me all about the great deals they found at garage sales, so I wanted to find some for myself. I made a list, got some cash and hopped in the car early Saturday morning. I had seen a sign for a neighborhood sale earlier that week. My husband and kiddos went too and we had a wonderful time. I have wondered why I haven’t been yard sale shopping all along. So if you don’t garage sale shop, here are 5 reasons why you should!

1. The great deals steals. I found clothes and books for a fraction of the cost at a Resale Shop or retail store clearance.  One of my best finds this weekend was buying $82 worth of classic children’s books for $5. The hardback, cardboard  version of “Goodnight Moon” retails at $16 and I got it for a buck. Also, clothes can be really cheap at garage sales. I bought two jackets for the fall for 50 cents a piece.

2. You can haggle. You can’t haggle at Target, Wal-Mart, or any other store. Be friendly and just ask, “Will you take x.xx for this?” I always have to build up my confidence to haggle. Once you do it a few times, it gets easier. The worst they can say is no. You can save some money just by asking a simple question. We bought an edger for $15 and the lady was asking $20. So I saved $5 in about 30 seconds.

3. You pay in cash. Once you bought an item it is paid for – it is yours! No monthly payments. No bills. You can stay on budget by bringing only the cash you need. It is also helpful to bring a bunch of change, because many sellers forget to have enough change.

4. Most sales happen Saturday mornings. Leave the kids at home with Dad or a friend and get some fresh air while shopping. Or bring the family along and make a morning of it. Give your child an envelope with a dollar or two and let them buy something. Teach them to haggle or how to spend wisely.

5. It is fun to bargain hunt. How many times have you been at someone’s house and heard a story about how they got a certain furniture item for a steal at a garage sale? Go get your own story!  It is really fun if you hit a gold mine when someone’s kid just grew out of the size clothes you need.

Here are 2 great articles about how to garage sale shop:

How to Garage Sale Shop Like a Pro at NotTheJetSet.net

Garage Sale Power Shopping at BeingFrugal.net

Do you like garage sale shopping? What is your best find at a garage sale?

My philosophy on most developmental milestones is, “wait until they’re ready and it’ll be a whole lot easier.”  I have not always had this philosophy, but I’ve learned that racing to the next stage too early is very frustrating for me and for my child. One of my friends wisely told me that there are two things you can’t force a child to do. You can’t make them eat and you can’t make them use the potty.  Children will learn very fast that they have complete control over those two things and the power struggle is inevitable if you push too hard.

We have been doing a lot of potty exposure in my house.  My first child has special needs and went through a period where we thought she was ready to be potty trained, but she isn’t, so we are still exposing her hopeful that she’ll start being ready soon.  However, through all of this exposure, my two year old son has become very interested in the potty.  It got to the point where he would go pee whenever I put him on the potty.  I decided that it was time to say goodbye to diapers.

We woke up one morning, I showed him his brand new Thomas the Train underwear and told him that he was a big boy and he was going to keep his undies dry by using the toilet whenever he needed to go potty.  Every 30 minutes I took him to the potty and he did his thing proudly.  He was motivated to use the potty with the promise of washing his hands when he was done.

We are now about a week and a half of being accident free at home. Sometimes he does not want to go when I tell him it’s time to use the potty, but I gently explain to  him he can continue his activity once he goes potty.  He has been very compliant.  He still needs to learn how to poop in the toilet and I am hoping he will begin to tell me when he needs to go instead of needing reminders.  I am also going to get over my fear of accidents in public and start keeping him in his underwear when we leave the house.

Potty training my son so far has been a very easy feat.  I really believe that it is because he was emotionally, physically, and behaviorally ready for this milestone and it was never something that was forced on him.  It sure feels good to only have 2 of my 3 children in diapers!  I am hoping that he will rub off on his big sister and she will start showing an interest in becoming potty trained.

Do you have a more laid back approach like I do or do you have a different approach?  How have you encouraged pooping in the potty and spontaneous potty usage instead of needing reminders?  Are you afraid of public accidents like I am?

Before my little girl, Annabelle, came along I swore to myself that I wasn’t going to dress my daughter in clothes with cartoon characters and give into sneaky marketing schemes. I have watched one too many “What Not to Wear” shows and I know Stacy always throws out those Disney shirts. Of course, I realize that Stacy is usually helping a 35 year old woman and not a toddler. Still, it solidified the idea in me that cartoon characters are not cool. I wanted my girl to be hip and look like she is always dressed from the Gap.

I also wasn’t going to give into the Disney Princess phenomenon. I am realistic and don’t want to encourage a “princess” mentality. When I was pregnant with my first child I read “What’s Wrong With Cinderella?” in the NY Times. In the article the author is concerned that her daughter’s infatuation with princesses will lead to a life preoccupied with body image. She writes,

I worry about what playing Little Mermaid is teaching her. I’ve spent much of my career writing about experiences that undermine girls’ well-being, warning parents that a preoccupation with body and beauty (encouraged by films, TV, magazines and, yes, toys) is perilous to their daughters’ mental and physical health. Am I now supposed to shrug and forget all that? If trafficking in stereotypes doesn’t matter at 3, when does it matter? At 6? Eight? Thirteen?

I sort of agreed with the author and was concerned about what ideals the Disney princesses were going to teach my future little girl.

I had my standards until I my daughter watched Sesame Street and became a fan of Elmo. Now she will sit on the couch point to the TV and say “Elmo! Elmo!” After we watched the movie ‘Enchanted’ together she came out of the playroom wrapped in a blanket to make a dress, with a purse on her arm and singing. I let her watch Dora and she became glued for the whole episode. She recognizes Dora everywhere she sees her image.

Now it makes me happy to see my daughter get excited when she recognizes a character. The moment my daughter sees her Elmo shirt she says “On! On!” I won’t go overboard and I get a lot of items from garage sales and hand me downs. In my plans to have a trendy dressed daughter I never thought how a TV character would bring my daughter so much joy.

Annabelle naturally gravitates to princess items. Some of that princess stuff is junk and I have some limits on what princess items I allow my daughter to have. I would love to take Annabelle to Disney World and let her run around the park dressed as a princess.

I have come to terms that this will be a phase in my daughter’s life. I grew out of my Strawberry Shortcake phase and I am healthy functioning adult. I am glad that I have given into some of the marketing hype, because it is neat to see my little girl get excited over her Dora pajamas and her Disney princess kitchen. And honestly, it is fun for me too.

Have you had a similar experience? What cartoon items do your kids love? Do you have limit on what  items you allow? Do you think the princess phenomenon is detrimental to our girls? And finally, who else doesn’t like the sassy Tinkerbell merchandise?

– top photo courtesy of Chekit