The Mom Crowd

If you have concerns with your mom or the mother figure in your life, then you need to read ‘The Mom Factor’ by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. These are also the same guys who wrote another excellent book ‘Boundaries.’ I really felt like I was sitting through a counseling session as I read through the book. The authors have years of counseling experience to draw from as they give relevant examples in each chapter. As a bonus there are nuggets of good parenting advice nestled in the chapters.

‘The Mom Factor’ presents six different types of mothers: The Phantom Mom; The China Doll; The Controlling Mom; The Trophy Mom; The Still the Boss Mom; and The American Express Mom. Each mother type and how that type has affected you as an adult is described in one chapter and the following chapter explains how readers can change the adverse affects in their lives today. There is also a section with each mother type that gives suggestions on how to deal with your mother today. The book is very well organized and easy to read.

Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend debunk the popular psychology theory of blaming your parents for your problems. They want to promote forgiveness and reconciliation in your relationship with your mother. In The Phantom Mom chapter they explain that for whatever reason the mother just wasn’t able to give their child the care and attention that they needed. We can’t blame our mother for what they didn’t have themselves to give in the first place.

I found freedom as I read through the chapters that I found relevant to my situation. I have expectations of what my mom should be like today. The book gave me permission to have those expectations met by other women in my life. Also, the suggestions on how to relate to my mother today really helped me.

I believe any son or daughter who has struggles or has questions about their relationship with their mother would benefit from reading this book. Even if they don’t read the entire book and just the chapters that relate to them they would find something useful to make their relationship better.

I know, I know I am writing another post on morning sickness. It is seriously consuming my life right now and that is what I am thinking about almost 90% of the day. Here are a few things I have learned since I have been sick.

Only time really helps morning sickness pass. It wasn’t until I was 20 weeks pregnant with my first that I continually felt good and I was not going to throw up or be sick to my stomach. So now I a counting down the days until I feel better. It will be the last week in October when I am 20 weeks with my second. I can’t wait.

Playdates and friends help pass the time. I usually feel okay in the afternoon. I have been scheduling my afternoons with friends so they can help me watch Ace. I think she enjoys leaving the house and I enjoy the company. Although, I am not much company to my friends as I lay like a lump on their couch.

I have learned to appreciate the work I did around the house. Since I have been out of commission Daniel has had to take up almost every chore around the house. I really did not realize that I did so much. I can be hard on myself and I never thought I did enough. Just making sure Ace had clothes to wear and taking care of her meals.  Also, taking care of the laundry and going grocery shopping. I picked up the house when I could. Some of the house hasn’t been cleaned in a while, but it is okay.

Putting first things first. It is one of the old Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but it is true. Since I have limited energy and time and I have had to let some things go. That isn’t easy for me to do. I am usually a suck-it-up-and-do-it-anyway kind of person, but not now. Blogs have gone unread, toys aren’t picked up, and phones aren’t answered. Really all I can do is make sure I am feeling alright and help take care of Ace.

Chloraseptic Sore Throat Spray is awesome after throwing up. I hate it when you get done throwing up and it still feels like you got a chunk in your throat, but really it is your uvula feeling beat up. I have drank something cold to calm my throat, but then I just throw that up too. Then in my one moment of genius I remembered my Chloraseptic Sore Throat Spray. I used it and it numbed my throat for a few minutes and it helped to take some of the throw up taste out of my mouth. I keep it handy now.

So that is what I have learned so far. I also really appreciate my husband a lot. I hate that I can’t help him more. I know he is tired, but this is just the way it has to be for now. Okay, I am going to go back to my couch now and get some rest while Ace is napping. I hope all you have a good week! Today is the first day of school in our school district. Hopefully some of you will be getting reprieves as some of your kids go back to school soon!

I am still calling in sick this week, but today has been a much better day. I didn’t throw up once today! Here is a guest post from Katie at Mighty Munchkin Maintenance  about planning her first birthday party. She has a great blog full of helpful blog posts. Enjoy!

In our house, there’s cause for celebration, we’ve almost survived the first year! Everyone is still sane, healthy, and happy! So I’m thinking, ponies, clowns… the works! No, not really. I’m terrified of clowns. And I’m pretty sure Kaylee might not be fond of ponies yet. We came across a horseback rider once while hiking along a path and Kaylee was decidedly uncertain about the large four-legged creature. I was absolutely thrilled (I’m easily excited), but she just gave him the hairy eyeball. Ah, but I digress; back to the topic at hand, planning that first birthday party.

I jest about ponies and clowns, but when I started looking into first birthday parties one of the resources I found was a mom describing her journey along the first birthday party planning process and a friend of hers had a carnival party with ponies and clowns. I wasn’t sure at that point if I should laugh or feel woefully inadequate. You see my research was primarily focused on what to do about a birthday cake. Kaylee hasn’t been introduced to egg whites yet, and I don’t really feel like trying to bake a cake (because if I bake it, it definitely won’t pretty or picture worthy). And I don’t think introducing her to egg whites is the best idea at her birthday party. But now I’m heading down the dark path of what else goes on at a first birthday party. I never would have guessed that ponies were even an option. I thought that only happened in the movies.

After doing some research, I’ve come to terms with the fact that like babies, that first birthday party can come in all different shapes and sizes. It seems lots of people have themed parties and often invite playmates. Kaylee doesn’t really have playmates though. I do belong to a mom’s group, so she does have an opportunity to interact with other children but we don’t actually know them very well. I guess I could do a themed party regardless of no other little munchkins being present. Hmmm, now I’m picturing my Uncle Peter in a Strawberry Shortcake hat. Interesting…the idea has merit, if only for the funny factor.

Seriously though, I just don’t think I have it in me to plan a huge birthday bash, and I don’t honestly think Kaylee would enjoy it. What we’ve decided to do is have two small parties, six to eight people each. Our reasoning for two small parties is that Kaylee is extremely shy, and too many people all at once throws her over the edge. We’re also opting for the more casual BBQ scenario, which makes my life considerably less stressful. I still don’t know about the cake though. Tomorrow I plan to visit the bakery and ask if I can have a cake made without egg whites. I know, I know, wishful thinking on my part. I don’t think Kaylee will actually eat any cake. We’ve been offering her finger foods since she was eight months, but she doesn’t eat them. She likes to feed them to me, mush them, or throw them on the floor. Every once in a while she places something on her tongue and then quickly removes it (she thinks it’s game). I’m just worried that the day she decides to actually shove food in her mouth will be on her birthday. Ah well, I’ll figure it out.

For those more experienced parents reading along, do you have any party planning lessons learned, suggestions, or funny stories to share? We’d love to hear them!

I am calling in sick to my blog this week. Seriously, scrolling down pages makes me nauseated. In the meantime, here is a guest post from the hilarious Brittany from BarefootFoodie.com. Thank you, Brittany, for taking pity on me and guest posting!

I am so very excited to find myself over here on The Mom Crowd.  I am an avid reader of this site, mostly because these girls are brilliant, their posts are helpful, their kids are gorgeous, yada yada, I could go on for hours, but you all already know they are all kinds of awesome.  In fact, that’s why you are here, right now, reading this post, thinking, hey…this weird…this doesn’t look like a typical The Mom Crowd post…something is fishy.  And, you’d be right.  I am pretty sure the last thing anyone would say to me is that my posts were helpful and/or informative, unless you count “Wow, that was way more information than I needed to know about a stranger online.”  So, I am cutting my losses and doing what I know best, and that is hopefully entertaining you as I share a piece of what’s going on in my life at the moment.

So, here it is.

I’m getting old.

Music is loud, computers are confusing, I listen to NPR, and before my uterus sags any closer to the ground, we need to get down to business, and by business, I mean sex…in a completely fun, yet baby making capacity.

I mean, I have things to do, body parts to tighten up and surgically re-perk, I want to add number three to our brood, talk my hubby into a little discreet clipping, and go into my thirties with my pre-baby Carmen Electra physique.

Which, I should be totally psyched about, except this time I have decided to suck the fun out of things.  This time, ladies, I am taking charge…of my fertility.

Now, I’m not sure who was in charge of things before I decided to take over, but this place is a mess.  Beer cans and Cheetos everywhere.  X-rated movies just lying about.  The whole place smells like patchouli.  It’s like MTV’s Spring break in my womb.

Luckily, I am armed with the standard issue Taking Charge of your Fertility bible, the special pink thermometer, which I was relieved to learn is used to take my temp orally…and not someplace scary and uncomfortable, and I signed up for fertilityfriend.com, because honestly, I am lazy, charting is scary and daunting, and God knows where my toddlers have hidden all the pens in my house.

On top of all that, and because I clearly operate on a rational and scientific level, I’ve been googling baby making friendly diets.

Turns out, the all cherry popsicle diet I’ve been on to look more Nicole Kidman and less Carnie Wilson this pregnancy is a no go.

I just hope that when they say a diet full of protein and dairy, what they really mean is chinese take out and mint chocolate chip ice cream.

So, yeah, here we are, amidst our very first official cycle.  I’ve advised my husband to not bother wearing pants this month, and I’ve just finished my second dairy mandated ice cream cone for the day, so we are good to go.

I had no idea being in charge of my fertility was so painful…the ice cream headaches are killing me (insert rim shot).

I don’t have a helpful or interesting topic today. I am still battling All Day Nausea. I have spent the entire weekend in bed or on the couch and I have missed two parties. In fact I haven’t left my house in over a week. Yesterday, my husband and I walked to our mailbox and I immediately threw up when we got back to the house.

Last Thursday night I broke down crying. Being sick is lonely. You don’t get to go out and see anyone. I don’t what the heck I want to eat most of the time. In fact, I don’t want to eat at all, but I know I have to for the baby and so I don’t have to get an IV. I hate that I can’t do anything around the house to help and I feel like I just boss my husband around all day. (I am sure most women would love that.) But we knew before starting the whole process of a second one, that would mean that Daniel has to do everything. He is doing a fantastic job feeding Ace and taking care of her. I try to watch Ace from the couch in the afternoons so he can at least get some work done.

So I just wanted to whine again here on The Mom Crowd. Morning sickness is really horrible. I keep thinking, “What if I can’t do this a third time and we only have 2 kids?” People say I can make it through it again, but I hate this. If my morning sickness lasts 20 weeks again like it did last time. I don’t know if I will want to try for number 3.

What I do know is that tomorrow I am 8 weeks along. In two weeks I will be able to hear my baby’s heartbeat and that will make it all worth while. But I still have two weeks of vomiting and hating food to go.

P.S. As I wrote this up I smelled the dry cat food and totally threw up my lime sherbert. Oh, I did get some meds. The Zofran works really well, but my insurance would only give me 12 pills every thirty days. I may have to call back my doc’s office to push it through insurance. When I called last week they gave me Phinagrin(sp?). I took it Saturday morning and it knocked me off my butt and I slept all day.

Thanks for letting me whine again.