The Mom Crowd

This a guest post from my friend Myra who is the genius designer behind Moon and Back Studios. You can also find her blogging at WeMakeThree.com.

Some women work outside the home to keep their sanity. For others, it’s not a choice. Working outside the home is a financial necessity.

Whatever the reason you may be working, there is one thing I have learned: You can’t have it all. That’s right. It’s a myth. A well intentioned one perhaps, but it’s simply not possible to have it all. And I believe many women are nearly killing themselves trying.

In order for me to give my best to the two people I care about most, and balance that with having a demanding job as an executive, I’ve had to make concessions. Here are some things that I am learning to do:

1. Learn to say no. That’s right. You can do it. It was hard for me at first, but it’s a muscle I’ve learned to exercise. Sometimes it makes people unhappy. But my family is better for it.

2. Be happy where you are. Sometimes success and acquiring stuff can be a mirage. There’s always more to get. I’ve tried to learn to appreciate what I do have instead of comparing myself to others. Being thankful really takes the pressure off.

3. Separate your time. I have drawn a clear line between my work and family time. When I leave work, I call my husband for our ritual debriefing during my drive home. Then I try not to talk about it anymore.

4. Do one thing for yourself each day. When I get home, I usually take a half hour to run or walk so I can detox myself from the day. Then I’m ready to focus on family. I’m better for it.

5. Avoid the trappings of “mommy guilt”. Just do your best and focus on your kids when you’re with them. That’s what they’re going to remember.

Do you have tips for balancing career and family?

Daniel and I always thought that we would be parents that would get a babysitter and go out all the time. We weren’t going to let having a baby change our lifestyle. Thirteen months after having our little one arrived reality has set in. Good, trustworthy babysitters are hard to find and they are expensive. Sure, our family could babysit and I do ask when it is needed but I don’t want to ask all the time. So we have become creative with our date nights at home after our daughter goes to bed.

I believe date nights are incredibly important for healthy marriages. They build trust and encourage a break from the routine to just stop, relax, and enjoy one another. On the date you should not talk about the kids, work, or bills. Save those conversations for another time. Also, don’t think about the household chores that need to be done. If you are the type that can’t relax if there is a dish in the sink, then do all the dishes before your date and get take out that you can throw away. The point is to relax.

You need to schedule your date and guard that time. We generally have a date (at home) on a weekend night. Yes things come up, but we don’t go long without a date. Sometimes I tell Daniel “I need a date” and he knows what I mean. I crave that time together and I miss it when we haven’t had one in a while. Don’t be afraid to ask or put in on the family calendar.

Here are 30 date night ideas that you can do at home after the little ones are tucked into bed and SOUND ASLEEP.

1. Have dinner in the backyard, patio, or your front lawn.

2. Re-watch the first movie you watched together.

3. Don’t cook and get your favorite take out.

4. Have a theme night. You must dress, eat dinner, and watch a movie with the same theme. Think ‘Western’ and dress like a cowgirl, eat bar-b-que, and watch Tombstone. Think ‘French’ and put on a black and white top, make French onion soup, and watch Amelie. It could be anything!

5. Put a blanket down and picnic in front of the TV.

6. Make a special dessert to indulge in. Bake chocolate chip cookies and right when you get them out of the oven put vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce on top. Even making brownies from a box can warm up any night.

7. Take a shower and get dressed up to go out, but stay in. One night I even put on my dress from my prom. I would never wear it out now, but I still love it and wore it on a night in.

8. Snuggle on the couch and watch a movie. I (heart) my Netflix queue!

9. Try to beat your all time record. (This was my husband’s suggestion for the list.)

10. Wear your old bikini that you would never wear in public again, because your stretch marks glisten too brightly in the sunlight! Ha. Your husband won’t care and will love you in it.

11. Break out the board games. Play it so that the loser has to do the dishes or even a fun strip version.

12. Wear your favorite lingerie under your normal clothes. Better yet wear none underneath.

13. Sit outside and read together.

14. Have a candlelit dinner in the dining room you rarely use.

15. Make a mix CD or playlist to enjoy throughout the evening.

16. Dance! Make room for our own private dance floor and have fun. Don’t worry, no one is watching you dance like Elaine Benes.

17. Write out an invitation card to your date requesting their presence at the VIP Lounge of your private nightclub.

18. Splurge on delicious cheeses and add fruit, crackers, and wine.

19. Make out during the DVD menu music.

20. Give each other a back rub.

21. Share your favorite dating memory with each other over dinner.

22. Set out candles around the room. (I know this is an old idea, but it is really nice to do once in a while.)

23. Dress as a character from a movie and you pick the character for each other (think Tom Cruise in Risky Business).

24. Work out together. Set up a circuit in the garage or in the back yard with a jump rope, dumbbells, push-up, and sit-up stations.

25. Cook together and try a new recipe for dinner or for a cocktail.

26. Go to bed early together.

27. Play video games together.

28. Watch a sports game and eat stadium food like nachos and hot dogs.

29. Set up a pair of chairs and stick your feet in the kiddie pool.

30. Make breakfast in bed for dinner and watch TV.

Do you have date nights at home? What do you do? Does it get harder to have a date night at home when the kids get older?

There are only five more days left until Father’s Day! It’s time to show the fathers and grandfathers to our children how much they are loved and appreciated! My favorite gifts for Mother’s Day are the personalized ones. I am a sucker for cards with poems about two tiny handprints! My husband really likes personalized gifts as well, although he also is a sucker for anything “Spurs” related. For Mother’s Day each year, my husband has the children create artwork for me. I have a collection of the sweetest paintings and cards the kids have made with their dad over the past four years. Here are some gift ideas for Dad!

Children’s Books about Dad

• My children always give their dad a children’s book about Dad so he can read it to them at bed-time. He really likes this tradition. Here are some children’s books about Dad: “Froggy’s Day with Dad” by Jonathan London, “Father’s Day” by Anne F. Rockwell, “My Dad!” by Charles Fuge, “The Day the Dog Dressed Like Dad” by Tom Amico. Head over to your local bookstore and you’re bound to find a whole section of children’s books about Dad ready for Father’s Day.

Personalized Photo Book

• You can make a personalized photo book on Shutterfly, Snapfish, and similar photo hosting sites. All you have to do is upload the pictures, arrange them on their templates, type in any special wording you would like and wait for the order to arrive. Don’t forget to hunt for coupon codes before pressing “Submit payment.” My friend did this for her husband and I thought it was a GREAT gift idea!

Day of Pampering

• Start his day off with a special breakfast, give him a massage (or a massage gift certificate!), rent one of those action movies he keeps wanting to see that you keep rolling your eyes at, remind your kids all day that Father’s Day is all about Daddy! You can also have the kids make him a homemade coupon book. The coupons can include washing the car, household chores, foot rubs, 30 minutes of uninterrupted time to watch sports, etc…

Photo Shoot

• Have professional pictures taken of your kids without telling him, or include yourself in the photo shoot. You can also give him a gift certificate for a “Daddy and kids” photo shoot or a whole family photo shoot. You can buy a cute frame for his desk at work or have the kids decorate a frame for him.

Guitar Hero

• What Dad doesn’t like Guitar Hero? Even dads who don’t typically “game” will enjoy this game! You will probably enjoy it as well! It’s my favorite past time these days.

What’s his “thing?”

• As mentioned above, my husband loves the Spurs. When I’m in a rut for finding a good gift for my husband, I can usually drive up to the Spurs gift shop and find at least one gift that is sure to please him. Other gift ideas include purchasing a Sports Illustrated cover of his favorite athlete and framing it for him, hiring a tennis instructor, increasing his hard drive space on his computer, or planning a fishing trip for him. Think about what your husband enjoys doing and you’re sure to have a few great gift idea for him!

What about your ideas? Do you know any other great gift ideas for Dad?

Have you ever been sitting on the floor playing with your little one and felt bored or lonely? I know I have. I consider myself an outgoing person. I have plenty of friends. My husband is even a work at home dad and I still get lonely and bored at home.

I know I can call my friends and set something up. We have to coordinate naps and schedules and let the stars align. Also, on a selfish level I struggle with the thoughts “I always initiate,” and “Why can’t someone call me for once?” Whenever a friend does ask me for a play date I always try to say yes just because I am so happy they asked.

When I first came home I coordinated a mass play date with almost every stay at home mom I knew. It seemed to go okay but no one really seemed interested in continuing the group, so I didn’t try to keep it going.

The internet and blogs keep me going everyday. I am so thankful for having a blog to share my thoughts on parenting and to meet other moms. However, there is still something about seeing a friend or anyone in real life that meets a need on a different level. The grocery clerks that know my daughter by name don’t count.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve just got to start by saying how proud I am of McKenna and Amanda (and her talented hubby!) for producing the most excellent first episode of The Mom Crowd Show. In case you missed it, the grand debut was yesterday, and you can catch it by clicking here. I don’t know about the rest of y’all but I can’t wait to see more! And I am honored to be a part of this blogging crew.

Now, onto another reason I feel proud.

After two pregnancies, a stressful move from one part of the country to another, and hundreds of boxes of Cheez-Its, I was bigger than I had ever been. For many months, I was just too tired and stressed out to worry about it. Come last December, though, two things happened that inspired me to action: the annual Rocket City Marathon came running through my city - heck, my neighborhood! - and a friend of mine in Texas had just completed her first half-marathon. As I watched the runners push themselves and as I read my friend’s awesome account of her marathon experience, I found myself saying aloud, “I’d like to do something like that sometime.”

And I realized that there was no time like the present. I was new in town. I didn’t have a lot of money for entertainment. My phone wasn’t exactly ringing off the hook with social opportunities. I needed to lose some weight. And I needed a self-confidence builder. Enter my new, free hobby: running. I’d never really done it before. But I knew I had to give it a try. We have a treadmill at home, so there really was no excuse!

I started off slowly, with my friend Jan’s coaching. She made me a running calendar to follow, which I did, faithfully, for about ten weeks. I was feeling great, and the pounds were coming off. The psychological benefits were the most rewarding: I felt as though I was the most beautiful mom in the world. And frankly, it’d been a very long time since I’d come anywhere close to thinking something like that.

In mid-February, I realized that our family could not handle the sacrifice of scheduling that’s required of marathon runners. The runs were at least an hour long at that point. I knew I could keep up with it physically, but time-wise, we couldn’t fit it in, unless I got up before the kids (and yeah, that’s not gonna happen.) I knew I was going to have to suspend my marathon running goal, and I was okay with that.

I decided to focus on 5 and 10Ks (3.1 and 6.2 miles, respectively) from that point on. Right around that time, McKenna posted about running her own 5K race, and it was so fun and encouraging to read about her and other moms go for it. I kept at it, and McKenna was a great encouragement to me!

Ultimately, I chose to make my race debut a 5K, and I’m glad I did. I set a goal for myself and made it happen. It was an important accomplishment for me. (You can catch my take on the race at my personal blog.) My husband and the kids have been cheering me on from day one, and Lucy has watched me train day in and day out for the past several months. As soon as the sneakers come on, she asks, “Mommy exercising?” It makes me proud that she sees me do this on a regular basis. (The Cheez-It consumption, on the other hand, I manage to keep hidden from her! :))

Why is this relevant to a mommy blog? Many of you may in the same boat that I was: lonely, bored, physically latent. I’d just like to say, if you have a desire to do something like this, go for it. As my friend Jan told me, “If I can do it, anyone can.” If it is possible, ask your husband, friend, or family member to watch the kids while you run for 30 minutes. It ultimately benefits everyone, because as we all know, if Mommy’s happy, the whole family is happy. And exercise is a great booster!

Most of all, when we get bogged down in the day-to-day mom grind, it can be easy to overlook doing things for ourselves. (I should know. I don’t even brush my hair now when I get out of the shower. Ha ha! Up, up, up it goes when it’s still wet.) Finding something that makes you happy and challenges you physically and mentally is great for your self-esteem. And the pride and confidence from your accomplishments is visible to the kids; they recognize it and appreciate it!

Have a great weekend, and do something that’s good for you!