If you have concerns with your mom or the mother figure in your life, then you need to read ‘The Mom Factor’ by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. These are also the same guys who wrote another excellent book ‘Boundaries.’ I really felt like I was sitting through a counseling session as I read through the book. The authors have years of counseling experience to draw from as they give relevant examples in each chapter. As a bonus there are nuggets of good parenting advice nestled in the chapters.
‘The Mom Factor’ presents six different types of mothers: The Phantom Mom; The China Doll; The Controlling Mom; The Trophy Mom; The Still the Boss Mom; and The American Express Mom. Each mother type and how that type has affected you as an adult is described in one chapter and the following chapter explains how readers can change the adverse affects in their lives today. There is also a section with each mother type that gives suggestions on how to deal with your mother today. The book is very well organized and easy to read.
Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend debunk the popular psychology theory of blaming your parents for your problems. They want to promote forgiveness and reconciliation in your relationship with your mother. In The Phantom Mom chapter they explain that for whatever reason the mother just wasn’t able to give their child the care and attention that they needed. We can’t blame our mother for what they didn’t have themselves to give in the first place.
I found freedom as I read through the chapters that I found relevant to my situation. I have expectations of what my mom should be like today. The book gave me permission to have those expectations met by other women in my life. Also, the suggestions on how to relate to my mother today really helped me.
I believe any son or daughter who has struggles or has questions about their relationship with their mother would benefit from reading this book. Even if they don’t read the entire book and just the chapters that relate to them they would find something useful to make their relationship better.