The Mom Crowd

The journey down the road of infertility goes down many paths. Our society mostly understands and acknowledges the infertility of those who have never had children. Few people even realize that many couples, as many as 20%, who have had one or more children, may struggle with what is called secondary infertility. Secondary infertility is basically the inability to get pregnant or carry to term a subsequent pregnancy after having a child.

My personal story started long before I ever met my husband. At the age of 16, I lost an ovary to an aggressive cyst. I was told then that my chances of getting pregnant were slim, especially once I hit my mid-twenties. I married my husband when I was 25 and we were blessed to get pregnant our first month trying. We were devastated when we learned at about 9 weeks that our precious baby had passed. We waited a month, tried again and were again blessed with a pregnancy. This baby is now 4 years old and is one of the biggest joys of my life. Right after his first birthday, we were surprised to find out that we were pregnant again. Sadly, only days after getting the news, we lost that baby as well. From that point, we decided that we wanted another baby and thought that having three pregnancies happen so “easily” must be a good sign and that the miscarriages were terrible and unfortunate flukes. We tried for many months before seeking fertility treatments and testing. Our doctor suggested the Clomid route as the first fertility treatment. After 5 months on Clomid and no success, we basically decided to step back and see what happened. Luckily, the next month, we conceived our beautiful daughter who is now 20 months old. But many couples are not so lucky.

Now we are back on a similar path. The problem with our fertility is mine. I have crazy cycles and a shortened luteal phase (the time from ovulation to period; it must be at least 10 days to sustain pregnancy). Most recently, I suffered from another large hemorrhagic cyst that had to be surgically removed and am now dealing with potentially major complications from that surgery. The emotional toll of our infertility runs deep.

As said previously, most people don’t realize that just because you have one or more children doesn’t mean you can continue to have them without difficulty. Families dealing with secondary infertility often get little to no support from others in their lives. They are instead told “relax and it will happen” or “just be happy that you have the child/children you already have”. While this is VERY common for families to hear, it is not the least bit comforting or encouraging. Secondary infertility is a condition that causes the families struggling with it to deal with loss; the loss of a child, the loss of the dream of having a large family, the loss of the desires to give their child a sibling.

It’s difficult to express true and total joy for our friends who seem to get pregnant (and stay pregnant) at the drop of a hat. Baby showers are painful experiences. Visiting friends after their births are tough. Just seeing one of my closest friend’s pregnant belly brings pain to my heart and tears to my eyes. It’s not a jealousy thing, but rather sadness for the loss in our lives. I wish her all the blessings God can bring to her and her baby, but I so very much long to be pregnant again right with her.

If you are struggling with secondary infertility, there are a few things you can do to help find comfort and support during this difficult time. Visit The National Infertility Association’s website for more information, find support groups, and talk about your struggles with those in your life. The more they know, the more they can understand and be there for you.

Are you struggling or have you struggled with secondary infertility? What has been the most difficult aspect of this struggle for you? What do you wish everyone else understood about your situation?

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Everyone has dealt with it and every one of us will deal with our children being constipated at some point in their young lives.  We all know how miserable it is to not be able to go and when our children are hurting, we can feel helpless.  As I type this, my 4 year old is miserably walking around squatting, grunting, and looking simply pathetic.  (We have struggled with potty training, especially with going poo-poo in the potty, but when he’s constipated, all bets are off and the potty isn’t an option.)

WebMD suggests that if your child has less than 3 bowel movements a week and they are hard and difficult to pass, your child may be suffering from constipation.  Some kids are more prone to dealing with bouts of constipation and those of us parents with these “lucky” kids have learned a few tricks of the trade that often help.  Here are some tips to helping keep your child from getting to the point they just can’t go. 

FIBER!  Try to incorporate lots of fresh fruits and veggies into their diet.  If they are picky eaters, try raisins  or fruit juice.  Also, try to decrease the amount of refined sugars they digest.  Refined sugars have a tendency to constipate.

WATER.  WATER.  WATER!   Keep them hydrated.  Fluids will help soften and keep things moving.  If you can, try warm liquids. 

BATH TIME!  A warm sitz bath can sometimes help relax the tummy and help things along. 

SYMPATHIZE!  Encouarge your child to keep trying to go to the potty and don’t make them embarassed if they have an accident.  Remember, they are still learning control of all of their bodily functions and sometimes pain overtakes reason! 

If your child is experiencing constipation often, it may be wise to consult your pediatrician.  Constipation can sometimes be a sign of other health conditions that need to be checked out… and sometimes it can be caused from just eating too much cheese!!!

Does your child deal with frequent constipation?  What tips do you have for parents experiencing this for the first time? 

Photo Courtesy of Cynergist

Ok, so I’ll admit it… I use disposable diapers and I love the ease and convenience of them.  I always thought that I would only use the most expensive name brand diapers because “my children deserve only the best”.  My friends will all attest to the fact that I was a sold-out Pampers snob with our first child.  So often they commented on it that it’s now just kind of a running joke, especially since I only buy generic diapers for our second child.  Oh the things I have learned in my four years of motherhood!

With two kids in diapers, we quickly realized that it was not financially feasable (or smart) for us to spend $150 a month on diapers.  Before I would even consider buying generic diapers, I did my research by polling my friends and of course online searches.  But honestly, the best research I did was actual trials on my own baby.  Here is what I found:

Pampers Swaddlers/Cruisers

Pros: soft outer cover, form fitting, held overnight well, cute designs, available everywhere, coupons readily available, Pampers Gifts to Grow program, goes up to size 7

Cons: most expensive disposable per unit

Pampers Baby Dry

Pros: held overnight well, few leaks, cute designs, available everywhere, coupons readily available, Pampers Gifts to Grow program

Cons: not very form fitting, not stretchy (somewhat restrictive), almost as expensive as Pampers Swaddlers/Cruisers

Huggies

Pros: soft outer cover, stretchy tabs, held overnight well, cute designs, available everywhere, coupons readily available, Huggies Enjoy the Ride program

Cons: not very form fitting, had many poopy leaks (especially in the first few weeks of life while breastfeeding), about the same price as Pampers

Luvs

Pros: soft outer cover, moderate absorption, cute designs, available everywhere, cheaper than Pampers and Huggies

Cons: not very form fitting, somewhat restrictive, needed larger size because of lack of stretch

Parents Choice (Wal-Mart brand)

Pros: soft outer cover, held overnight well, never had a leak, less than $15 a box for 80-100 diapers (sizes vary)

Cons: only at Wal-Mart, harder to detect fullness from outside “feel”

Up and Up (Target brand)

Pros: soft outer cover (similar to Pampers), held overnight well, form fitting, cute design, about $15 a box for 80-100 diapers (sizes vary)

Cons: only at Target, seems to get full faster than other brands, harder to detect fullness from outside “feel”

Overall, we have been really happy using the Parents Choice and Up and Up diapers.  Admittedly, we kept our son in Pampers longer than we would have liked because he was difficult to potty train and Pampers went up to a size 7, but just changing one kid to store brand diapers saved us over $50 a month! 

What has your experience with store brand/generic disposable diapers been?  How many brands of diapers did you try before deciding on the right one for your child?

Photo Courtesy of: Kimblahg

My husband recently got laid off from his job due to the recession and has been home full time for about two weeks.  As negative as his job loss may seem, it’s been a blessing to me at this point in time.  I have been dealing with some health problems that have kept me in bed and unable to do my daily activities, including chasing after our two kids.  I have been blessed that my husband has been stepping up to the plate in a big way, even more than usual.  It got me to thinking about how much I underappreciate him on a regular basis.

Often times I get into the mindset of “I do so much around here and no one seems to appreciate it” and I forget about all that my husband does without expecting my praise or any reward.  Even before he was laid off, he spent a ton of time with the kids and did baths everynight.  He always takes out the trash and brings in the heavy things from the car after big shopping trips.  Little things like those go unappreciated so often that I have begun to take him for granted.  I have come up with a few ideas of ways I can show my appreciation for him and thought I’d share.  (Of course, being the ever loving and supportive husband he is, he will probably read this before you all do and will know the little acts of kindness before they are done!)

• Write him a little note telling him how much I love him and leave it in his car (I do this every now and then when I can sneak out to the car without him knowing)
• Give him an unprompted back rub
• Make his favorite dinner without asking him beforehand what he wants to eat that night 
• Do the kids’ bath one night to give him a break
• Brag about him to my friends
• Make him his favorite cookies and not eat any myself

I think the best thing I can do to show him my true appreciation for all that he is and does is just to tell him and stop complaining when I don’t feel appreciated.  I think he’ll like the last one best of all!

What kinds of little things do you do for your husband when you want to show him your appreciation?  What are some ways you wish he would show you his appreciation for you?

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My son recently turned 4 and we wanted to have a special birthday party for him and all of his friends. Being on a very tight budget meant that we had to be extra thrifty, but we didn’t want to skimp on the fun. We had some ideas of places we would have liked to have the party, but once I called and got the information on the locations, I sat at the desk thinking how absurd it was to spend $200 on a birthday party for a 4 year old (just for room rental and maybe 2 hours of playtime). The days of the $50 all inclusive party at McDonald’s are no more and parents are now faced with growing pressure to have the fanciest and most extravagent parties for their children, even toddlers and preschoolers.

We opted to have Andrew’s party at our home and just tried to make the best of it.  He had more fun than we could have imagined.  He was just so excited to have his friends over to play and show off the Mickey Mouse cake that I made for him, he didn’t even know that it wasn’t a “cool” party!

Here are some money saving ideas to remember when planning your little one’s next party:

1.  Have your party at home or at a local park –  Parties at home or the park can be just as much fun as those at more expensive venues.  Parties at the inflatable rooms can cost you hundreds of dollars and don’t include cake or snacks.  Your party at home (or the park) can be as cheap or as pricey as you are comfortable with.  A home party provides comfort for your guests and a park give you free entertainment!

2. Not every decoration has to be themed – While it’s tempting to go buy out the party store of all the cups, plates, napkins, table coverings, etc of your child’s favorite character, it’s just not necessary.  Buy a few select items at the party store, then stop at the dollar store for coordinating solid colored plates, napkins and utensils.  A few accent pieces are fine, but there is a such thing as overkill!

3.  Party favors don’t have to be store bought – Consider buying clear treat bags from the craft store and baking cookies as party favors.  Simple cut-out cookies in the shape of your child’s favorite character or a cookie with the guest children’s names on them are more special than the junk trinkets that usually find their way home from parties.  Another alternative is to print out coloring pages from the internet and give a small 8-count box of crayons as a party favor.

4. Bake your own cake – A simple dollar white cake mix and your favorite homemade buttercream icing make for a delicious treat.  Go to websites like Wilton to learn simple decorating techniques that will impress your friends and make your child’s cake extra special.  Also, you can always find small figurines at the dollar store or party supply store that can make your child’s cake really special and tailor made.  Let your child help you stir the icing or place the figurines to get them more excited about their special cake.

5.  Your love, not your pocketbook are what your child will remember the most – No matter how much or how little you spend on your child’s birthday party, the most important thing you can do for them is show them how much you love them.  THAT is what they will always remember!

What are some of YOUR favorite childhood birthday party memories?  Do you have any tips you would be willing to share on having a fun and relatively inexpensive birthday party?

Photo Courtesy of martin_kelley