The Mom Crowd

About three months ago, the negative effects of the recession hit our home when my husband got laid-off.  After the initial shock and fears of wondering how we were going to survive, we settled into a new reality.  I was terribly worried that my husband and I were going to drive each other crazy being around each other 24/7 with no breaks.  Surprisingly, this time has strengthened our relationship and our individual faiths. 

I thought I would share a few of the things we have done to stay sane:

Take turns sleeping in!  While I have taken my share (plus a few extra) of mornings sleeping in, I also try to let him get some days “off” from the early morning (and I mean VERY early) kid duties.

Get out of the house at least every other day!  Staying at home gets boring and boredom brings on depression and aggitation.  Getting out of the house frequently helps stave off some of the crankies.  We have made many trips to Target, Toys R Us, and other local stores just to browse to get everyone out of the house.

Play games together!   While it’s next to impossible to play actual board games with kids in the house, we have taken to playing online Scrabble and other games against each other.  The advantages of these online games are that you can take your time playing, come back to it and play when you want/can, and you don’t have to worry about game pieces being shoved into little noses!

Wives, don’t nag!  At first I didn’t realize that to my husband, my asking questions about his job search as often as I did was nagging.  It’s ok to inquire about phone calls or progress, just not on a daily basis.  And by all means, DO NOT look for a job for him unless he asks you to or has given you “permission”.  Many guys feel emasuclated when their wives do their “work” for them. 

Pray together!  We  pray together over potential jobs, our finances and our children.  Like Dawn has been saying in the past two Abiding Mondays posts, prayer calms anxiety.  When I get anxious, it helps me to pray with my husband.  I find comfort in knowing he is standing with me during the troubling times.

And lastly, just remember that it won’t last forever.  The right job will come along.  Your life will get back to the normal you have always known!

Have you or someone you know closely gone through this type of situation?  What did you do to stay sane?  What tips do you have for families in this transitional time?

Photo Courtesy of Moomettesgram

A few months ago, Amanda wrote about the importance of mommy time and how much we all need it in our lives to stay sane and healthy.  We all know how important it is for us to take some time for ourselves to relax and sometimes just to breathe, but another aspect of mommy time I have discovered that benefits me even more than traditional mommy time is what I call “Mommy Growth Time”. 

For me, Mommy Growth Time consists of a weekly 3 hour gathering with other women who are all seeking to grow in their faith and learn how to be better mothers, wives and friends.  We have a time of discussion about the topic of our study and then break up into small accountability groups.  These groups have been my encouragement the last few months.

Accountability in parenting and married life is so important.  None of us are perfect and we all struggle dealing with certain aspects of our lives that we could use encouragement and non-judgemental advice from people with whom we respect and relate.  I’ve found too many times that when I have told someone about something I am struggling with, I am met with criticism and judgement.  Quite frankly, at that point any advice that has been offered may as well have been thrown out a window because I quit listening.  Accountability groups are a great way to avoid the negativity and find real solutions and support. 

Other mom friends of mine find growth and encouragement in MOPS groups (Mothers of Preschoolers) or in Motherwise groups.  I think the importance of gathering with other moms, without your children, to grow and learn something about yourself is vital to maintaining your sanity, especially if you are a stay-at-home-mom.  Playdates are great, but we all need more!

I strongly encourage every mom to find some kind of group that focuses on motherhood and give it a try.  You will gain amazing friendships and will have an outlet for coping with the struggles of mommy hood without all the unwanted condescending remarks.

Are you part of a growth group?  How has this helped you become a better mom, wife and/or friend? 

Photo Courtesy of tomhe

The journey down the road of infertility goes down many paths. Our society mostly understands and acknowledges the infertility of those who have never had children. Few people even realize that many couples, as many as 20%, who have had one or more children, may struggle with what is called secondary infertility. Secondary infertility is basically the inability to get pregnant or carry to term a subsequent pregnancy after having a child.

My personal story started long before I ever met my husband. At the age of 16, I lost an ovary to an aggressive cyst. I was told then that my chances of getting pregnant were slim, especially once I hit my mid-twenties. I married my husband when I was 25 and we were blessed to get pregnant our first month trying. We were devastated when we learned at about 9 weeks that our precious baby had passed. We waited a month, tried again and were again blessed with a pregnancy. This baby is now 4 years old and is one of the biggest joys of my life. Right after his first birthday, we were surprised to find out that we were pregnant again. Sadly, only days after getting the news, we lost that baby as well. From that point, we decided that we wanted another baby and thought that having three pregnancies happen so “easily” must be a good sign and that the miscarriages were terrible and unfortunate flukes. We tried for many months before seeking fertility treatments and testing. Our doctor suggested the Clomid route as the first fertility treatment. After 5 months on Clomid and no success, we basically decided to step back and see what happened. Luckily, the next month, we conceived our beautiful daughter who is now 20 months old. But many couples are not so lucky.

Now we are back on a similar path. The problem with our fertility is mine. I have crazy cycles and a shortened luteal phase (the time from ovulation to period; it must be at least 10 days to sustain pregnancy). Most recently, I suffered from another large hemorrhagic cyst that had to be surgically removed and am now dealing with potentially major complications from that surgery. The emotional toll of our infertility runs deep.

As said previously, most people don’t realize that just because you have one or more children doesn’t mean you can continue to have them without difficulty. Families dealing with secondary infertility often get little to no support from others in their lives. They are instead told “relax and it will happen” or “just be happy that you have the child/children you already have”. While this is VERY common for families to hear, it is not the least bit comforting or encouraging. Secondary infertility is a condition that causes the families struggling with it to deal with loss; the loss of a child, the loss of the dream of having a large family, the loss of the desires to give their child a sibling.

It’s difficult to express true and total joy for our friends who seem to get pregnant (and stay pregnant) at the drop of a hat. Baby showers are painful experiences. Visiting friends after their births are tough. Just seeing one of my closest friend’s pregnant belly brings pain to my heart and tears to my eyes. It’s not a jealousy thing, but rather sadness for the loss in our lives. I wish her all the blessings God can bring to her and her baby, but I so very much long to be pregnant again right with her.

If you are struggling with secondary infertility, there are a few things you can do to help find comfort and support during this difficult time. Visit The National Infertility Association’s website for more information, find support groups, and talk about your struggles with those in your life. The more they know, the more they can understand and be there for you.

Are you struggling or have you struggled with secondary infertility? What has been the most difficult aspect of this struggle for you? What do you wish everyone else understood about your situation?

Photo Courtesy of subnet24

My husband recently got laid off from his job due to the recession and has been home full time for about two weeks.  As negative as his job loss may seem, it’s been a blessing to me at this point in time.  I have been dealing with some health problems that have kept me in bed and unable to do my daily activities, including chasing after our two kids.  I have been blessed that my husband has been stepping up to the plate in a big way, even more than usual.  It got me to thinking about how much I underappreciate him on a regular basis.

Often times I get into the mindset of “I do so much around here and no one seems to appreciate it” and I forget about all that my husband does without expecting my praise or any reward.  Even before he was laid off, he spent a ton of time with the kids and did baths everynight.  He always takes out the trash and brings in the heavy things from the car after big shopping trips.  Little things like those go unappreciated so often that I have begun to take him for granted.  I have come up with a few ideas of ways I can show my appreciation for him and thought I’d share.  (Of course, being the ever loving and supportive husband he is, he will probably read this before you all do and will know the little acts of kindness before they are done!)

• Write him a little note telling him how much I love him and leave it in his car (I do this every now and then when I can sneak out to the car without him knowing)
• Give him an unprompted back rub
• Make his favorite dinner without asking him beforehand what he wants to eat that night 
• Do the kids’ bath one night to give him a break
• Brag about him to my friends
• Make him his favorite cookies and not eat any myself

I think the best thing I can do to show him my true appreciation for all that he is and does is just to tell him and stop complaining when I don’t feel appreciated.  I think he’ll like the last one best of all!

What kinds of little things do you do for your husband when you want to show him your appreciation?  What are some ways you wish he would show you his appreciation for you?

Photo Courtesy of KayVee.INC

Last week, my son was stung by a wasp on his hand.  He didn’t cry and he didn’t have a reaction until about two days later.  His entire hand was swollen and red.  I called my pediatrician and the nurse told me to just keep an eye on it and to bring him in if it became hot to the touch.  It cleared up after about two days of redness and swelling.  The day after it cleared up, he was stung by another wasp!  (We found the nest and my husband has reclaimed our backyard from those horrible creatures!)  Again, we didn’t notice any reaction at all and he didn’t cry or act like it hurt.  Two days later, his entire arm was swollen and this time, incredibly hot to the touch.  There was a huge red spot covering his entire bicep.  While the reaction was similar to the first sting, it was a lot more intense.  So, I called the doctor and he wanted me to bring him in.  I shamefully told him that my son had been stung by wasps twice in the same week and reassured him we found the nest.  The doctor thinks it is at high risk of becoming infected, so we were given instructions to prevent infection, which could turn to a staph infection.  I didn’t know that wasp and bee stings could lead to infection.  It makes sense when I think about it, but I thought allergic reactions such as breathing difficulty were the only real risk of wasp or bee stings.

So, until my son’s boo boo heals, we are to do the following:

• Use ice to relieve pain or discomfort
• Apply hydrocortisone cream to it twice a day
• Take over-the-counter Zyrtec instead of Benedryl because our doctor thinks it works better and my son becomes hyper and wirey on Benedryl, which is opposite most children.
• Clean it twice a day with a clorox/water solution.  I have never in my life heard a medical professional direct someone to use clorox bleach, so this was interesting to me.
• Fill a prescription for a steroid cream and have it on hand in case the red spot becomes streaky or asymmetrical and call or take him to the hospital right away.

I initially felt silly even being concerned about my son’s wasp sting, especially since I had already called the pediatrician last week about the same issue.  I tend to write off what I consider small medical issues because I have three children who all carry their own set of more major medical issues as it is.  But I am glad I listened to my gut that this reaction was worse than last week’s reaction.  I have learned in parenting and medical care for my children is that medical professionals are paid by me (and my insurance) to answer my medical questions and treat my children, so I have given up on feeling guilty about using the service that I am paying for.  Besides, what a parent may think is minor, may actually end up being serious, so it’s always better safe than sorry!

Have your children had a reaction to bee or wasp stings?  Am I the only one whose never heard of cleaning an infected area with a clorox/water solution?