The Mom Crowd

A few months ago, Amanda wrote about the importance of mommy time and how much we all need it in our lives to stay sane and healthy.  We all know how important it is for us to take some time for ourselves to relax and sometimes just to breathe, but another aspect of mommy time I have discovered that benefits me even more than traditional mommy time is what I call “Mommy Growth Time”. 

For me, Mommy Growth Time consists of a weekly 3 hour gathering with other women who are all seeking to grow in their faith and learn how to be better mothers, wives and friends.  We have a time of discussion about the topic of our study and then break up into small accountability groups.  These groups have been my encouragement the last few months.

Accountability in parenting and married life is so important.  None of us are perfect and we all struggle dealing with certain aspects of our lives that we could use encouragement and non-judgemental advice from people with whom we respect and relate.  I’ve found too many times that when I have told someone about something I am struggling with, I am met with criticism and judgement.  Quite frankly, at that point any advice that has been offered may as well have been thrown out a window because I quit listening.  Accountability groups are a great way to avoid the negativity and find real solutions and support. 

Other mom friends of mine find growth and encouragement in MOPS groups (Mothers of Preschoolers) or in Motherwise groups.  I think the importance of gathering with other moms, without your children, to grow and learn something about yourself is vital to maintaining your sanity, especially if you are a stay-at-home-mom.  Playdates are great, but we all need more!

I strongly encourage every mom to find some kind of group that focuses on motherhood and give it a try.  You will gain amazing friendships and will have an outlet for coping with the struggles of mommy hood without all the unwanted condescending remarks.

Are you part of a growth group?  How has this helped you become a better mom, wife and/or friend? 

Photo Courtesy of tomhe

Yesterday Dawn wrote a great post about controlling our tongues. Unbeknownst to Dawn I have had in my drafts a little post about One-Upping in conversation. I think this would be a nice companion piece to continue the topic of choosing our words wisely.

Whether knowingly or not we have all probably told a one-upping story in conversation, on Facebook, on blogs, or on Twitter. One-upping is easily done when mothers are talking about their kids’ accomplishments. Let’s take Susan and Amber as an example. Susan shares with Amber that her baby started crawling when he was 8 months old. Then, Amber immediately replies that her baby started crawling at 6 months! Amber may honestly be sharing her own experience, but it comes across as One-Upping. The best response would be to be excited for Susan. If Susan wants to know when Amber’s child started crawling, then let her ask.

One-upping can be hurtful or make another mother feel like a bad mom. All too often we jump right into sharing our own stories, experience, and accomplishments after someone shares about their own experience. Let’s be excited for one another without trying to one-up each other! Each mama has a different experience with each child. Sometimes there is no point in comparing our kids. Let’s celebrate each others’ accomplishments, not compete with each other.

Here are 5 ways to stop ourselves from one-upping in conversation.

1. Make a mental note to be aware that you may be one-upping and make an effort to stop!

2. Listen to what is being said without thinking about what you are going to say next  while they are talking.

3. Be slow to speak. Choose your words wisely.

4. Make a point to express your happiness for your friends after they share an experience.

5. Don’t share an anecdote of your own child unless you are asked.

Penelope is a hilarious character on Saturday Night Live who one-ups everyone. She cracks me up.  Here is a funny Penelope skit, plus it has Amy Adams. (Hulu puts an ad in front of the video, but hey, its free!)

Have you ever found yourself one-upping in conversation? Do you know anyone that is a one-upper? Does it make you want to share with them?

My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.  Your anger can never make things right in God’s sight. James 1: 19-20

Those who control their tongue will have a long life; a quick retort can ruin everything. Proverbs 13:3

One of my unpleasant habits is that I am an interrupter.  Not all of the time, but sometimes.  I might be in the middle of an exciting conversation with a good friend, and we’re both mutually interrupting.  I think that’s just fine.  However, most of my interruptions occur when I’m arguing with my husband.  When all is right with the world, it is easy for me to patiently keep my mouth closed while others are talking.  But when tensions are running high and my patience is on vacation, my mouth always gets the best of me.  In addition, I tend to rattle off all kinds of sentences in quick succession when I am feeling nervous.

As moms, moms-to-be, wives, friends, children, and siblings, we can take away valuable lessons from both verses above.  First, speaking quickly can get us into trouble.  Both verses urge us to slow down in conversations – to look the other person in the eye, hear their voice, appreciate what they are trying to say.  Maybe even wait a few seconds before responding to a question.  It can be difficult to practice this type of deliberate thoughtfulness, but it yields great results!

Think of it this way: when we hear from someone via e-mail and need to reply, we don’t often send the first draft back immediately.  We delete, correct ourselves, omit things that might be misconstrued, etc.  We might even save the response in the Drafts folder and go back to it later, giving the words time to settle.  Do you ever wish your face-to-face conversations could have that feature?  Most of the time, our tongues are on autopilot.

Another thing I notice in these verses is that the consequences of a quick tongue are pretty dire!  “Can never make things right in God’s sight”:  ouch!  “Can ruin everything”: sucky!  The damage of a hurtful mouth can be severe, causing pain to exist between ourselves and others for who knows how long.  Of course, forgiveness and grace go a long way in repairing what has been broken.  But scripture tells us we can prevent the damage to begin with: “Those who control their tongue”.  This means our tongues do not control us!  We are not victims to what our mouths say.

I encourage you to ponder the control of your tongue this week.  Catch yourself when you go on autopilot and remind yourself to listen first.   I wonder what damage we will have prevented by taking control of our mouths!

Lord, forgive us for our quick retorts.  Replace our hurtful words with godly silence, and help us love others by listening more.  Amen.

Have a great week, Mom Crowd!

I am incredibly protective of my children’s bedtime, but I don’t watch my own bed time at all. I have not gotten a good full night’s sleep in over six months. My breastfeeding 6-month-old boy is still waking up 2 to 3 times a night to nurse. Before that I was hugely pregnant and didn’t sleep well with all that kicking and heartburn. Sometimes I really believe that it is God’s grace that keeps me going. Many nights I only sleep about 6 hours.

It is incredibly tempting to stay up late after the kids go to bed. This is my time. I can  watch what I want on television, hang with my husband, get online without interruptions, read, clean or go out with friends. I LOVE the night time!

I have also recently started training for a marathon. I have to get up around 6:15 a.m. and get my miles done first thing in the morning, because of the hot weather and our family’s schedule. My husband takes care of the kids when they wake up, but I still need to get back quickly. My baby boy needs to nurse and my husband has to get to work when I get back. I try to get bed early the night before a long run, but even then I find myself staying up reading a book.

I know I need more sleep, but I don’t do anything about it. I love that I get to stay at home with my kids and can move slowly in the morning if I need to. Somehow I recover the next day. I get dressed and get done what I need to do without complaining. I am the one who chose not to go to sleep. My son goes to sleep at 7:00 p.m. So even though he still wake up 3 times a night, I have no excuse not to get to bed at a decent hour.

Perhaps I can just function on little sleep. I think a lot of moms do. The amount of sleep I get is something I have been thinking about this week. What do you think? Can you function on little sleep? Do you notice a difference in your attitude if you do get better sleep? How much sleep do you really need to function well the next day?

At our son’s 4 year old check-up in June, our pediatrician dropped a bombshell on us… “he’s obese”.  How on earth could this perfectly healthy child with easily viewable ribs be obese?  Our pediatrician suggested that we see a nutritionist and get the situation “under control”.  We walked out of the appointment baffled by the thought of our thin child being obese.   

After talking to other friends who use the same pediatrician, I found that this was almost a common diagnosis.  We compared our children and all agreed that they look healthy.  Not too thin, not too thick… just right.  (And truthfully, we are the kind of friends who would say if things appeared differently!)  I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how this diagnosis could apply to these kids.  They were healthy, active kids! 

Then it dawned on me… Body Mass Index (BMI), the way in which obesity is measured, measures height to weight proportions.  It does not take into account muscle mass.  While most children aren’t teeming with bulging muscles, they can have significant muscle mass.  I take this to be a huge flaw in the overall diagnosing process.  BMI also does not take into account a growth spurt.  Some children gain weight and then grow in height and even out.   

Of course, we have taken steps to try and reduce Andrew’s overall weight, as with his diabetes he is more prone to developing other life-threatening conditions later in life, but now we are just amazed at how thin he looks. 

And then there is the flip-side… “they are too thin”.  Two of my friends have been criticized in their parenting because their children are by nature exceptionally thin.  They are healthy children, but just tend to be very thin, even when mom tries shoving cupcakes down their throats to get them where they are “supposed” to be. 

 My friends and I have all come to the same conclusion: while we trust and look to our pediatricians for support and guidance, there are just sometimes that we feel we need to throw their medical expertise out the window and trust our own parental instincts as to what is right and wrong for our children. 

Have you had a similar experience?  How did you handle it?  Do you feel comfortable at times not following your pediatrician’s recommendations? 

Photo Courtesy of webchicken