The Mom Crowd

DoesMommyLoveIt.com is hosting a group writing project asking readers to write about a family product that they cannot live with out. If you want to participate, you better hurry because the project ends on Sunday, February 24th.

My family product that I can not live without is my Brestfriend Pillow. During the first six months of my daughter’s life I used it a minimum of 6 times a day to nurse her. She eventually grew big enough that I didn’t need a pillow to hold her. I literally called my pillow “my BFF.” If I were going to a family member’s house, I would bring it with me and use it there. I tried another pillow (that shall remain nameless *cough* boppy) and it didn’t even compare. The Brestfriend pillow straps around you so it doesn’t require extra pillows to hold it up. Also, the top is flat so your baby doesn’t fall in between you and the pillow. The pillow is also sturdy enough to rest your wrists while you are nursing. The extra pocket was nice to carry my Purelan and pen and paper to write down when I nursed. Washing the pillow was easy, because the outside cover came off and could be cleaned in the washer.

Nursing was extremely difficult for my baby and I to learn. Once I started using the pillow, nursing became infinitely easier. We were both happy.

I love this product so much that I have since bought two more as gifts and loaned mine out as soon as I didn’t need it anymore. I also liked that I was able to support my local Lactation Center by making the purchase from their store. They were so kind and helpful to me, I was happy to give back to them in a small way.

I highly encourage anyone who is serious about nursing to invest in a Brestfriend Pillow.

Check out the other participants in the writing project:
Sharon M on Go-Go Kidz TravelMate

Missy on Clorox Disinfecting Wipes

Homeschool Diva on the book “Sentinel” by Landel Bilbrey

As moms we all feel discouraged at one time or another for not living up to expectations that we have of ourselves. I mentioned in my “Judging Other Mothers” post that we should encourage each other as moms instead of judging each other.

Gary Chapman’s book, “The 5 Love Languages” suggests that people feel encouraged and loved through five different love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, the giving of gifts, physical touch, and time spent. Think about a friend that you would like to encourage this week. Which do you think their love language would be? Try to do one act of encouragement this week for another friend. You will feel encouraged that you did something nice for a friend and they will be cheered up. They may be having a rough day and your little note or act of kindness could make all the difference.

Here are 30 ways that you can encourage a friend:

1. Pick up the phone and see how they are doing.

2. Mail them an encouraging note. It doesn’t have to be long.

3. Buy a small gift like a candy bar or a tube of lip gloss and leave it on their door with a note.

4. Meet up for coffee after all the kids are in bed and dad is home.

5. Give a hug.

6. Say the words, “You are a great mom!” to a friend.

7. Make a mix cd of your favorite songs for your friend.

8. Make her a gift set of personalized blank note cards that they can use later.

9. Listen to what they are going through. Just listen and don’t solve the problem, unless they ask for suggestion.

10. Mail her a $5 gift card to Blockbuster, so she can treat herself to a nice movie after the kids are in bed.

11. Meet up at a kid-friendly restaurant with your kids.

12. Compliment her cooking skills.

13. Meet at the park and bring her lunch.

14. Say the words, “Have you lost more weight? Those jeans look fabulous on you!”

15. When you go to the grocery store call them and ask if they need anything.

16. Go over to their house and while they watch the kids, do their dishes or vacuum.

17. Babysit their child(ren) for an hour, while they take a long bubble bath or take a nap.

18. Go for a walk together.

19. Help them organize that closet that they have not gotten to yet.

20. Send them a funny Hallmark e-card. (Hoops and Yo-Yo are always funny.)

21. While the dads stay home and babysit meet up with other moms on a Saturday night.

22. Go raid the clearance racks at expensive department stores together. (Macy’s usually has some good deals. My friend says that Nordstrom’s can have some good deals too.)

23. Send an email to old friend and say that you were thinking about them.

24. Just go over to their house and spend an afternoon together while playing with the kids at the same time.

25. Drop off a cute little bouquet of flowers. (Costco has amazing bouquets for fifteen bucks.)

26. Compliment what a great job she is doing raising her child(ren).

27. Help her plan her child’s birthday party.

28. Plan a two-family meal and eat together. One cooks the main dish and the other cooks the sides.

29. Print out photos that you have taken of them or their children and give them to her.

30. Write a nice comment on their blog.

My husband and I are having a hard time trying to decide how or if we are going to celebrate Valentine’s Day. We don’t usually make a big deal of the holiday. It really takes a lot of the pressure off of the both us if neither of us have particular expectations. Sometimes we will combine Valentine’s Day and my birthday and splurge on a romantic five-course dinner. This is our first year with our little one and it doesn’t look like a babysitter is going to happen. So we may go out to nice lunch with the baby or celebrate in a small way at home.

One of my favorite articles on Zenhabits.net is ‘50 Ways to Be Romantic on the Cheap.’ I am definitely a frugal gal so I appreciate some of the cheaper traditions of the holiday. Check out the article to get a few ideas for you and your loved one.

From the 50 here is my favorite 5:

14. Snuggle together while watching romantic movies .

17. Bring home good coffee or a decadent sweet.

30. Write a love letter.

33. Groom yourself, and try to look good for your partner.

50. Play Sade. Do what comes naturally. Slowly.

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Before I had my daughter I had a few moms tell me that it is okay if I am not immediately head over heals in love with my newborn. They shared their own experience of how they loved their babies, but they did not automatically have a gushy kind of love for them.

One mom told me how one day when her baby was a few months old she was playing with her baby and it just hit her. She instantly fell in love with her baby. Another mom said that it was a gradual feeling and how it took a few months for that overflowing kind of love to come.

I was very thankful for this advice. I was proud of my baby and I loved her, but I didn’t have that overwhelming kind of love for her when I brought her home. I was wrapped up in recovering from labor, learning how to breastfeed, guests and dinners, and getting sleep. I didn’t really have time to focus on her as my daughter. I was doing what I had to do. I remember I kept saying to myself, “I have a daughter!” Mother’s Day was six days after my baby was born and it still didn’t sink in that I was a mom. Eventually over a few weeks that ushy-gushy, overwhelming love came. I would do anything for her and I really love her.

I think it is important to remember that we aren’t bad moms if we don’t immediately love our newborns. For some moms they are instantly in love with their babies, but not every mom is the same. I was thankful that I was warned because it gave me freedom to not feel condemned for how I was feeling. I knew that the affection for my new baby would eventually come.

Did you have any experience with this?

I am in the season of my life where many of my friends are having babies and experiencing the joy of pure exhaustion like they have never known before once the baby is home. I have had the pleasure to coordinate meals for two of my friends in the past few months. I used to wonder why getting something for dinner was so difficult for new parents, until I had one myself. Then I understood how someone bringing me dinner and visiting me was so valuable.

The first time I coordinated meals I did it through email. I emailed everyone and had each person pick a date and email me back. One friend suggested that when I knew what food someone was bringing that I should email everyone else, so there wouldn’t be duplicates. It was a nice suggestion, but I really did not want to fill up strangers email boxes with the details of someone’s dinner plans. Once most of the nights were filled up I would email the new parents who was bringing what on what night. It took some time to coordinate meals by hand, but it got done. Then I found out about an even easier approach.

A few weeks later I received a notice from my friend, Beth’s sister, to sign up to bring a meal to Beth through carecalendar.org. It was so easy to use, that I used it the next time I coordinated meals for my friends Pete and Rachel. I set it up, sent one email, and it was done. So easy!

The first step in using the Care Calendar is to create a new personal calendar. You will need to fill out your contact information, the dates and kind of help needed, and the meal recipient’s preferences. I sent a copy of the questions below to my friends in advance, so I could have their specific requests.

Usual meal time :
Number of people eating :
Food sensitivities :
Diet restrictions :
Favorite Foods :
Specific Dislikes :
Microwave available? : Yes/No
Freezer space available? : Yes/No

Once everything is set up the site will send you an email containing a message with a Calendar ID number and a Security Code. The ID number and Security Code is the information users will need to view your private calendar. Only the people that you give the information to will be able to view the calendar online. You will also receive a separate login as the Coordinator for more access.

The message they give you to send out reads:

To access Pete and Rachel’s private CareCalendar site, visit http://www.CareCalendar.org and enter the following information in the appropriate spaces:

CALENDAR ID : 1234
SECURITY CODE : 1234

Then when someone wishes to bring a meal they go to the site, enter in the information and view the private calendar. They can see what nights are taken and are still available. There are spaces to enter in what meal they are bringing and they can also see what others are bringing. Then, once they pick a night and fill in the blank, Care Calender sends them a reminder email and a copy to the Coordinator. That is it!

I received feedback from users about how simple and painless the whole process was. All I did was set it up, sent out the email, and I would periodically check to make sure the nights were filling up. Another great aspect is that Pete and Rachel, whom I was coordinating the meals for, could look online themselves to see who was bringing dinner and what type of meal they were getting. They never felt like they were bugging me for the information. I also appreciated that Care Calendar is connected to Google Maps, because I never had to give out directions to their home. Also the site says what time they are available to receive dinners, so I never had to coordinate connecting the new parents with the meal givers.

CareCalendar.org made managing meals really easy. I would highly recommend using it the next time you need to coordinate meals!

Bonus Link:

Click here to see a Demo of the site.