The Mom Crowd

I am in the season of my life where many of my friends are having babies and experiencing the joy of pure exhaustion like they have never known before once the baby is home. I have had the pleasure to coordinate meals for two of my friends in the past few months. I used to wonder why getting something for dinner was so difficult for new parents, until I had one myself. Then I understood how someone bringing me dinner and visiting me was so valuable.

The first time I coordinated meals I did it through email. I emailed everyone and had each person pick a date and email me back. One friend suggested that when I knew what food someone was bringing that I should email everyone else, so there wouldn’t be duplicates. It was a nice suggestion, but I really did not want to fill up strangers email boxes with the details of someone’s dinner plans. Once most of the nights were filled up I would email the new parents who was bringing what on what night. It took some time to coordinate meals by hand, but it got done. Then I found out about an even easier approach.

A few weeks later I received a notice from my friend, Beth’s sister, to sign up to bring a meal to Beth through carecalendar.org. It was so easy to use, that I used it the next time I coordinated meals for my friends Pete and Rachel. I set it up, sent one email, and it was done. So easy!

The first step in using the Care Calendar is to create a new personal calendar. You will need to fill out your contact information, the dates and kind of help needed, and the meal recipient’s preferences. I sent a copy of the questions below to my friends in advance, so I could have their specific requests.

Usual meal time :
Number of people eating :
Food sensitivities :
Diet restrictions :
Favorite Foods :
Specific Dislikes :
Microwave available? : Yes/No
Freezer space available? : Yes/No

Once everything is set up the site will send you an email containing a message with a Calendar ID number and a Security Code. The ID number and Security Code is the information users will need to view your private calendar. Only the people that you give the information to will be able to view the calendar online. You will also receive a separate login as the Coordinator for more access.

The message they give you to send out reads:

To access Pete and Rachel’s private CareCalendar site, visit http://www.CareCalendar.org and enter the following information in the appropriate spaces:

CALENDAR ID : 1234
SECURITY CODE : 1234

Then when someone wishes to bring a meal they go to the site, enter in the information and view the private calendar. They can see what nights are taken and are still available. There are spaces to enter in what meal they are bringing and they can also see what others are bringing. Then, once they pick a night and fill in the blank, Care Calender sends them a reminder email and a copy to the Coordinator. That is it!

I received feedback from users about how simple and painless the whole process was. All I did was set it up, sent out the email, and I would periodically check to make sure the nights were filling up. Another great aspect is that Pete and Rachel, whom I was coordinating the meals for, could look online themselves to see who was bringing dinner and what type of meal they were getting. They never felt like they were bugging me for the information. I also appreciated that Care Calendar is connected to Google Maps, because I never had to give out directions to their home. Also the site says what time they are available to receive dinners, so I never had to coordinate connecting the new parents with the meal givers.

CareCalendar.org made managing meals really easy. I would highly recommend using it the next time you need to coordinate meals!

Bonus Link:

Click here to see a Demo of the site.

I always find it a bit amusing to see what modern-day celebrities name their little unassuming children. I remember a few years ago when Courteney Cox & David Arquette named their daughter Coco. “Coco? I guess that’s interesting,” I thought. It’s either going to remind people of perfume or chocolate cereal, but what it makes me think is that she’s the daughter of a very famous Friend. (That Monica Geller can name her kid anything she wants! According to one site, Coco comes from Courteney Cox. Makes sense to me!) So, Coco it is, and she’ll pull it off, too! The more I hear it, the more it sounds completely everyday, like, why aren’t more girls out there named Coco? But could I get away with naming my child something like that? Not hardly. Thinking about introducing my daughter “Coco” to, well, pretty much anyone makes me laugh inside. (Sidenote: If I followed the “Arquette formula” with my own daughter, her name would be Dace. Hmm.)

By now, you must be thinking of little Apple Martin, one of the most famous head-scratchers of a celebribaby name. I think it’s cute. Or maybe you’re thinking of Pilot Inspektor, who is the son of Jason Lee. The “Lee formula” is simple: any profession + any misspelled profession = unique celebribaby name. Try it! Here’s mine: Cable-Guy Teecher. It even has a touch of irony! In this celebrity baby-naming world, you can also take any unexpected noun and use it for your baby’s name: Camera. Puma. Seven. Denim. Audio Science. (Those are real ones.) Again, I’m convinced that these names only work on the famous, where audacity in baby-naming is not only common, it’s expected. Case in point: Nicole Richie named her new daughter Harlow Winter Kate. Harlow is beautiful, uncommon, and dramatic. But just in case it wasn’t enough, they threw in “Winter”. I didn’t even bat an eye at this. That’s just what they do, those famous folks!

Funny thing is, after scanning this list, I noticed a couple of my top boy/girl picks from the past! And no, it wasn’t Daisy Boo for a girl and Banjo for a boy. We long considered Ava & Milo for each of our kids, respectively, until we chose to go in a different direction.

Which I guess means that not all celebribaby names are completely unusual. Levi, Gulliver, Truman, Rafferty: these are really pretty cool. Intellectual-chic. Any one of them could also be the lead-singer of a rock band. And some celebribaby names are just downright sweet: Violet Affleck and William Huckleberry Paisley are a couple of my favorites.

I think it’s easy to make jokes about this topic because the celebrity moms & dads out there have complete control in deciding what to name their children. So when they go the nutty route, it’s like an invitation for us to laugh a little incredulously. Right? Tell me I’m not the only one!

For more on the topic, or to see other notable celebribaby name choices, check out:

Recent Starbaby Names at The Baby Name Bible

Celebrity Baby Names Blog (one of many!)

a little off-topic, but fun just the same (a great gift idea!)

Coco Arquette’s imdb page! (for real)

Do you pay attention to what celebrities name their kids? Have you named your child the same thing as a celebribaby, either on purpose or by coincidence? Which ones are your favorites, and which names make you say, “They named him/her what?!”? Happy weekend, and for good measure, be sure to share what your kid’s name could be, using either the Arquette or Lee formulas!

Not too long ago, I posted this blog entry on my favorite kid toys. I have a total obsession with my children’s toys, however, play time with your child goes beyond having every toy from Babies “R” Us in their playroom.

Play is very important for every baby’s health and development. Play is how babies and children learn. It also provides important bonding time between child and mommy. In a clinical research study released by the American Academy of Pediatrics, play is so valued that it is considered to be a ‘right’ of every baby and child. In the fast paced society we live in where everyone is go-go-go it is important to realize how crucial it is to stop and play with your baby.

Darah has been in occupational, physical, speech, and play therapy since she was a newborn, and I have really had some amazing one-on-one training on how to play with her because of those therapies. Before Darah was born, I didn’t really know how to have quality playtime with a baby and didn’t know the importance of play for the baby’s development. Since Connor has joined our family, I really feel that I know how to make the most of my one-on-one time with him and Darah. Through my experience, and countless therapy sessions I’ve observed with pediatric therapists, I have learned a few key things I’d like to share with you all.

Challenge your child, but make sure they have success.

• A big mistake a lot of parents make is doing everything for their babies. Try to let your child figure things out on his or her own before you step in. However, if they start getting frustrated or start giving up, then step in and guide or help your child accomplish their goal. Make sure you celebrate their success. It’s important for children to have the opportunity to figure things out on their own, but it’s equally important that they be successful often. If they are never successful, they will give up trying. Finding the perfect balance as a parent, will reap you and your child many rewards!

Get off the phone and get down on the floor

• One of the biggest problems I have is just stopping whatever I’m doing and engaging into play. I have a laundry list of tasks that I like to accomplish every day. Since Darah and Connor have started playing together, I have eased up on my “get-on-the-floor” time with them, and I have really had to make a conscientious effort to make play time a priority for myself. I’m a go-go-go, Type A, busy-magnet kind of person and it really requires mental energy for me to remember to SLOW DOWN and to remember that play-time with my children is just as important as bathing, diaper-changing, etc.

Appreciate the smallest accomplishments.

• This is an easy one for me, but if I had Connor first I think it would be a lot harder for me. With Darah, I was forced to appreciate the smallest steps of her developmental progress. This has helped me to really appreciate every aspect of Connor’s development as well. What most moms don’t even realize is a developmental milestone, I have been able to recognize in both of my children. When you get discouraged that your child isn’t crawling or talking yet, try to look for the steps they’re taking to get there. If your child isn’t crawling, time how long they can hold themselves in the quadruped position, or help them transition from sitting into the crawling position or guide their little body with your hands and ‘make’ them go through mommy-assisted crawling. Most importantly, try to recognize what your child is doing, and be excited about it!

Don’t overwhelm your child with too many choices.

• American babies have an abundance of toys, books, and ‘gear.’ Don’t present every single toy your child owns to him or her at one time. My kids usually play downstairs, and I keep a limited amount of toys that are freely available to them. I have found that when we go upstairs to the playroom, they both have a problem sitting down and playing with a toy, because we have SO MANY TOYS! When the choices are limited (and routinely rotated), your baby will engage more in their play-time.

Play with toys in unconventional ways.

• If your child wants to put the puzzle piece on their face, make that a game of Peek-a-Boo. If they want to stack the shapes instead of place them in shape-sorter, work on stacking. Allowing your child to lead their play-time sessions with you will be much more rewarding and your child will stay engaged! If you’re looking for conventional games, check out this link.

Talk and sing a lot to your child during play.

• By singing and talking to your baby during play, you are not only helping to develop their speech and language skills, but you are also sending the message that you want to be there to your baby. Your child’s vocabulary is directly related to the amount of words you speak to your child. This article discusses the importance of music for babies and here the author has a list of songs you can sing and the guitar chords!

Enjoy yourself!

• Playing with your baby does not have to be a chore. It can be fun for you. With who else would you sing all the New Kids on the Block songs into your hairbrush or dance the salsa with the broom? Your baby will know whether you are enjoying yourself or “fulfilling an obligation.” Play time isn’t only for your baby, play time can be for you as well!

I mentioned a few weeks ago here that I won third prize in AWildRide.net‘s writing contest. They have published my essay titled, ‘What to Expect When Your Mother’s Parenting is Not What You Expected’ on their site. Check it out here!

Thanks!
Amanda

I often hear other parents say, “They just grow up so fast!” I believe that statement is true from how quickly these nine months have passed for me. Before we know it our kids will be out of the house in college and even married with their own children. It’s hard to think about! When our kids are being cute and adorable we want them to stay little forever. Of course, when we are struggling with potty training and feeding times we can’t wait for them to grow up and potty and eat by themselves.

When our children learn to be independent adults and move out of the house we may be faced with Empty Nest Syndrome (ENS). Psychology Today describes Empty Nest Syndrome as “feelings of depression, sadness, and/or grief experienced by parents and caregivers after children come of age and leave their childhood homes.” According to Ruth Rusk at EmptyNestMoms.com the feelings of sadness can begin when our children are self-sufficient teenagers, because we miss the children they once were when they were younger.

My sister was the last one to leave my parents home four years ago and my mom is still dealing with the affects of ENS. It is hard to see my mom sad. I live four hours away and do what I can to help. All I know is that I need to be prepared before my children leave, so I can deal with the sadness and grief in a healthy manner. I know all the preparations I do now may not completely help me, but the sting will be less.

It’s hard to think about our children growing up and having lives of their own. It’s even hard to think about being that old! But it is going to happen and we need to be ready.

Here are five things that we can do that will help us be well-rounded adults now and have fulfilling lives when our children are grown.

• Keep up with your friends.

Now that I am a mom it is really easy to get distracted with daily living. We have to make an effort to keep up with our friends, especially friends that don’t have kids or are single. One of my single friends comes over every Wednesday to watch Project Runway with me. It’s perfect because my baby is asleep and we can relax and have a good time. We need to take extra care not to get so wrapped up in our children that we don’t alienate any of our friends. I have seen friendships end because one of the couples would only talk about their baby. When we hang out with our friends we shouldn’t be all baby all the time. When your children leave you will still have friends, because you made the effort to stay in contact.

• Continue your hobbies or find your special talent.

If you have a hobby don’t stop just because you have children. Sometimes it is hard to make it priority and time is a luxury, so do it when you can. Do it after they go to sleep or on the weekends during special daddy time. Whatever your favorite pastime is do it! Personally I am a Social Scrapbooker. I only scrapbook when I am with other people, but I enjoy it! Make time to read, make cards, play music, sew, take photos, write creatively, make crafts, or travel with your little one. You don’t have to pause what you love just because you have kids. You can even teach them your passion or make a kid version of your hobby. Your favorite pastime can enhance your life now and later when you have the house back.

• Get dressed and put on your make-up.

Maybe I have watched too many ‘What Not to Wear’ shows, but I have learned that just because I am a stay at home mom I don’t have to dress like one. I heard too many times on that show how an extra few minutes to think about what I wear that day and putting on a little make-up would make me feel infinitely better. I know when I am having a crappy day I dress up to feel more confident in myself. When your kids are gone you won’t have to search for your identity through your clothing if you have kept yourself up the entire time your kids were home.

• Go on dates with your spouse and don’t talk about the kids.

We need to preserve our relationships with our husbands because when the kids are gone we will be alone with them once again. It is going to be much easier to transition to an empty nest with your best friend and partner by your side. We can preserve our relationship by going out and not talking about the children. You don’t have to have a specific night of the week. We go out when we feel like we need it. We just let each other know when one of us wants to go out and we schedule it. As women we wear many hats at one time. Take time to take off all others and only wear the Wife Hat once in a while.

• Prepare yourself mentally for life after the kids leave home.

We can’t live in denial that our children aren’t going to grow up. As parents we want the best for our kids and I think the best we could wish for them is to grow up to have happy adult lives. We need to be prepared to let our children grow up and respect their decisions. There will still be times when we need to speak our concern, but over small matters we need to be prepared to let them live their lives. We can pray for our childrens’ future now. One of my friend’s daughters is doing awesome in college and has even found her perfect future husband. I asked her for some wisdom and she told me it was all because of prayer. I know her to be a praying woman and she certainly motivated me to pray for my daughter’s future now. Living in the reality that one day our babies won’t always be home with us and being ready for the day they leave home may not take all the sadness of that day away, but hopefully it will make the grieving process a little shorter.

Do you have a favorite hobby? Do you and your spouse take time out for each other? Have you thought about the time when your children won’t be living with you anymore?