The Mom Crowd

I prepared for childbirth like most moms. My husband and I attended a series of child birthing classes and created a birthing plan. I had incredibly fast labors with both of my children. During my first delivery, my epidural made my whole bottom half incredibly numb (just like it’s supposed to) which made it hard to push. My nurse asked me if I wanted to use the mirror so I could see the muscles contracting and I could know how to push effectively. Well, I wasn’t planning on keeping the mirror there for very long, but Darah came very quickly and there wasn’t time to tell the nurse to get the mirror out of the way. I watched her delivery and it was incredible! I was so glad the mirror was there! It was so amazing to see her little body enter the world for the first time. I will never forget that moment. It was perfection!

Fast forward two years and three months later. I found myself again in the delivery room, dilated to 10cm, and ready to PUSH! I specifically asked the nurse for the mirror this time because I wanted to have that magical moment of watching my second child’s delivery. Well, this one didn’t just slide right out like my first. I know this isn’t record breaking, but compared to the time it took to push my daughter out (less than 10 minutes), 45 minutes felt like an eternity! I was getting nervous because he wasn’t coming out very quickly and was very irritable. The mirror was getting on my nerves. I didn’t remember that it was a magnified mirror before and my butt was huge! This was not nearly as romantic as using the mirror with my daughter’s delivery, but I felt committed. Second children always get the short end of the stick, and I didn’t want to start short-changing things for my second child in the delivery room!

So, the mirror stayed and I (and everyone else in the room) stared at my butt in a 10x magnified miror for 45 minutes. The saddest part is my eyes were closed during his delivery and I missed it anyway. We later found out why he had such a hard time arriving…he was 10 pounds! The second he was born, I completely forgot the mirror was there and gazed at my perfect little boy. I then looked back down and saw the crazy long umbilical cord (I had no idea how long that thing was!) and saw the doctor going to town with a needle and a thread on my poor body…all magnified in that blasted mirror! I told the nurse to move the mirror and went back to heaven in my arms.

If we have another baby, I will most definitely use the mirror again. The only thing I’ll change is it will not be pointed to my butt until the baby is crowning!

I’m not even going to ask a question to start some conversation…I am hoping some fun discussions sprout on their own from this brave honesty of mine!

Sometimes babies need a little extra medical attention when they are born and need to stay in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. There are many reasons why a newborn would need to visit the NICU. The NICU can be an uncomfortable, scary, intimidating environment. I have spent 15 days in the NICU and many days in various hospital rooms. Some simple things like making sure every nurse in the hospital had our cell phone numbers, posting pictures of our family on my daughter’s bassinet, bringing in the mobile from her empty crib at home, and calling dibs on the next open comfy recliner made our stay more comfortable. There are many other things you can do to make your NICU stay less intimidating and more comfortable.

Create your own privacy

• NICU’s are typically the least private areas of the hospital. While being in a “fishbowl,” it’s important to create some privacy for you and your baby while you’re visiting. Most hospitals will provide screens that you can arrange around your child’s bassinet during breastfeeding or bonding time. Take advantage of those screens!

Kangaroo Care

• Kangaroo Care is a special type of bonding with your newborn. It’s basically just skin to skin holding by undressing your newborn and unbuttoning the front of your shirt. This is great for any newborn, but it’s especially important for babies who aren’t able to go home right after their births. Moms AND Dads can do Kangaroo Care. The benefits of Kangaroo Care can be found here.

This is YOUR baby, not the hospital’s

• When Darah was in the NICU, I felt like the hospital owned her. I wasn’t very proactive in her care because I felt like I would mess everything up. I wish I would have been stronger about voicing my concerns or insisting that I do her basic care when I was present. If you want to give your baby his or her bath or next feeding, then tell your nurse. Do not be late for these appointments because your nurse has other patients they need to attend to and most NICU’s operate in a very structured manner.

Learn the “rules”

• There is usually a limit on number of visitors, age of visitors, and who is allowed to hold the baby. Visitors (and parents) who are sick are to stay away and everyone must go through a hand-washing ritual with surgical scrub brushes.
• If you have a friend whose child is in the NICU, make sure you are following the rules. It made me frustrated when I had to remind people to wash their hands. If you’re a smoker, make sure you put a clean shirt on that you haven’t smoked in before visiting. Second hand smoke is the last thing any newborn needs, especially one with medical issues.

Go Home!

• Spending every minute of your day by your baby’s bassinet will deplete you of the energy you need when your baby comes home from the hospital. If you live far from your child’s hospital, look for the closest Ronald McDonald House and bunk there at night. I stayed at the RMH of Dallas for 6 weeks during one of Darah’s hospital stays, and was able to rest, eat (food they provided!), and meet other families so I was not so lonely.

Take care of YOU!

• You just had a baby and you need to recover (physically and emotionally)! Do not overdo it. If you’re having a hard time emotionally, ask your doctor for a support group of other moms in the NICU or suggestions on coping emotionally. Be watchful for signs of postpartum depression. Make sure you eat and are getting breaks from the hospital.

Most important: Ask questions!!!

• If you don’t understand something, keep asking for answers! If you are not comfortable with something, insist that you receive a better explanation. While these nurses and doctors probably do know more about your child’s health, this is YOUR child and you are an important player in their medical team. Keep a journal of your child’s medical information. Include feeding schedules, weight, medications, procedures, and any new diagnosis in this journal. Darah almost received a very wrong dosage of heart medication, but because my husband and I were aware of her medications, we interrupted what could have been catastrophic! After you leave the NICU, you will have a new title: Momologist, which is just as more important than any other “ologist” (pumonologist, cardiologist, hematologist, oncologist, neurologist, etc..) who takes care of you child!

Check out these informative sites:
Neonatal Nursery

When Your Child’s in the NICU

What has been your experience in the NICU? What helped make your stay more pleasant?

My 12 month old daughter started throwing her food on to the floor when she was done eating. We don’t even have a dog for her to watch eat the food. It made our kitchen floor a mess. I had no idea how to stop her from throwing food on the the floor so I asked McKenna, one of the authors here at The Mom Crowd. She told me that Ace was throwing her food on the floor when she was done, because she had no other form of communication with me.

McKenna said that I needed to do 3 things:

1. Teach her to put her food in a special place on her tray when she is done.
2. Tell her “No, we don’t throw food on the floor” and pick it up.
3. Teach her how to sign “all done.”

I had never done any sign language before only because I wasn’t sure if I really needed to teach it to her and I was being lazy. Hopefully, if I gave her a way to communicate with me, then she wouldn’t throw her food.

After about a week of being diligent and saying “no,” teaching her to put her food in the cup holder of the tray, and signing “all done” my daughter did it! She signs “all done” when I ask “Are you done?” I immediately pull Ace out of her seat when she signs it. An added bonus of signing “all done” is that she looks adorable when she signs it.

She has also learned where to put her food when she doesn’t want it anymore. She very rarely throws food on the floor now. It still happens occasionally but it isn’t every single meal.

I love that I am able to communicate with my baby who isn’t saying many words. I wasn’t a huge believer of signing until just recently. I went back to McKenna and asked her to show me some more signs. We are working on signing bread now. Ace will get it.

McKenna’s wrote a post on signing called, “Ready, Set, Sign” if you are interested in reading more about baby sign language.

Did you have a problem with your little one throwing food on the floor? How did you handle it?

Have you ever been sitting on the floor playing with your little one and felt bored or lonely? I know I have. I consider myself an outgoing person. I have plenty of friends. My husband is even a work at home dad and I still get lonely and bored at home.

I know I can call my friends and set something up. We have to coordinate naps and schedules and let the stars align. Also, on a selfish level I struggle with the thoughts “I always initiate,” and “Why can’t someone call me for once?” Whenever a friend does ask me for a play date I always try to say yes just because I am so happy they asked.

When I first came home I coordinated a mass play date with almost every stay at home mom I knew. It seemed to go okay but no one really seemed interested in continuing the group, so I didn’t try to keep it going.

The internet and blogs keep me going everyday. I am so thankful for having a blog to share my thoughts on parenting and to meet other moms. However, there is still something about seeing a friend or anyone in real life that meets a need on a different level. The grocery clerks that know my daughter by name don’t count.

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SAHM is the internet savvy way of saying “Stay-at- Home-Mom.” Stay-at-home Moms choose for many reasons to stay home with their children. For some, the costs of childcare outweigh the income made if the mom worked outside the home. Other moms are miserable working their 9-5 job and are looking for a change of pace. Other moms choose to forego the workforce so they can spend that time with their children. No matter the reason, there are millions of women who are SAHM.

Ask any SAHM and you’ll receive a laundry list of job titles she holds. Childcare worker, teacher, taxi driver, facilities manager, short-order cook, laundry attendant, janitor, counselor, CEO, entertainer, personal stylist, administrative assistant, accounting clerk, nurse, plumber, automotive mechanic, and cake decorator are only a few of her job titles.

While there is no monetary compensation or typical work benefits like 401k’s or sick leave, there are a lot of satisfying rewards in being a SAHM. The obvious include being there with your children for every milestone, boo-boo, and story time. The not so obvious (and somewhat selfish) benefits include, having breaks for yourself when the kids are napping, all day pajama days, and a more flexible schedule (unless Connor is your child, requiring you to be home for his 9:00am and 1:00pm naps because he is too cool to sleep in the car. LOL!)

The hardest part of being a SAHM for me is that I have three bosses (my husband, Darah, and Connor) who do not always synchronize their job assignments for their lowly slave me. Even with the most supportive of husbands, sometimes he will expect things of me that are just not possible depending on the mood of the day. Some days are very laid back and I’m able to shorten my to-do list. Other days are so chatoic and I’m unable to accomplish anything! These days may include a sick child, a child who won’t nap but desperately needs one, or a child who takes off his poopy diaper and smears it all over his crib. The “more flexible” schedule comes at the cost of having to be on call of untimely events.

I found this article which outlines four things every SAHM needs to know. These four things include:

1. Be proud of what you do.
2. Keep in touch with friends.
3. Stay organized.
4. Get in touch with your creative side.

What are your days like? Do you find your job as a SAHM harder or easier than when you worked?