The Mom Crowd

McKenna recently wrote an excellent post about finding a great nanny.  Right around the same time, my friend Jaimee mentioned she recently fired hers!  I asked her to tell her story as a helpful follow-up, as I know it’s something we can all learn from.  Jaimee (pictured) is a way-talented mom of two precious sons, and she posts incredible pictures of them on her blog, These Small Wonders.

L. seemed like the perfect summer nanny on paper. She was 26 with 10 years of nanny experience with great references, had a degree in child psychology, was an elementary school teacher and working toward her PhD! I was equally impressed with her in her interview.  She spoke of all of the different education methods she would use and the different games and educational experiences she could provide for our 18-month old son.  I was so excited to have someone to dedicate quality time to our 18 month-old son so I could work a few days a week, care for our newborn son, and feel good about the care he was receiving.  We had a fairly laid-back approach to the whole process because we were only hiring for the summer and we did not have to worry as much about the safety of our kids because my husband and I both work out of the house and would be around to supervise their care. We didn’t even interview anyone else for the position. 

But, it only took a few days for my bubble to burst.  We quickly found out that she was very lazy and immature, and not the perfect “teacher-like” nanny she had presented herself to be! 

She did not play with our son, or come up with activities to educate or entertain him…she just sat in the recliner in our playroom and turned the TV on cartoons to entertain him while she text messaged her friends or used my laptop to play on the internet.  When I would suggest an activity for them to do, she would do it once for a very short time and then never take the initiative to do it again.

She almost never helped with the dishes or laundry as we had discussed…even when the kids were both sleeping, she would just sit around.

In the 5 weeks she worked for us, she called in three times at the last minute to tell us she wouldn’t be in the next day because she had other things to do. She also showed up 35 minutes late one time and did not even bother to call to tell us where she was or if she was coming.
 
She acted very annoyed and even angry at our 18 month-old’s toddler behavior…He’s a perfectly normal, active toddler, she just thought he should be perfectly behaved at all times.  And, if he wasn’t a perfect angel, she would blame it on our parenting skills.  I think she thought she was “Super Nanny” with the job of correcting our parenting.  She really believed that any toddler that was raised” with her “techniques” would be perfectly behaved at all times.  She even had the nerve to tell my husband that we just needed to follow-through with what she was trying to do so our son would be better behaved.

One of the things she was trying to do was to get our son to talk by coercion.  She would leave him in his highchair until he used “his words”.  The problem was, he didn’t have any words to use in that situation and he ended up getting so frustrated that he began having temper tantrums anytime we put him in his highchair…something he had never done before. I have a degree in Speech Pathology…coercion isn’t the way you get a child to talk!   His behavior began to get worse and worse the longer she was around.

When she did help with our newborn son, she did not follow my instructions.  One day I walked in to find the baby sleeping on his stomach on top of a fluffy quilt.  I told her that he could not sleep on his stomach because of the risk of SIDS.  She told me that was “old school” and that it was fine.  I corrected her and explained that every medical professional will now stress the importance of back sleeping.  But, a week later, I walked in to find the baby on his stomach on top of a loose blanket.  He was awake, but unsupervised, and he had worked his head back and forth enough to get the blanket stuck in his mouth!  That was the end of my patience!

We decided we needed to fire her, and we were going to tell her at the end of the 5th week.  But, on Tuesday of that week, she did not show up or call us until 50 minutes after she was supposed to be at our house.  Since this was the second time that happened, we felt we had clear justification for letting her go immediately. 

The entire experience was horrible.  I was so relieved when we finally fired her!  I learned a lot about what not to do when hiring and managing a nanny and hope that the next time we go through this process, we will be wiser, stronger and more prepared.  I would do a few things differently next time:

• Interview several different nannies even if the first one knocks my socks off!
• Schedule a trial day with two to three of the nannies/babysitters that I am interested in to see how they react to an entire day of being with my kids.
• Be more direct about my expectations up front.  After you’ve put up with laziness for even a day or two, it is harder to correct that behavior.
• Fire quickly.  We waited way too long to let our nanny go.  We wanted to give her a chance to get better and do the right thing, but we should not have put up with a lot of the things we did for as long as we did…it wasn’t the right thing to do for us or our kids!
• Setup video monitoring.  Even though we were home at all times, I still felt uncomfortable about what our nanny might have been doing when we weren’t looking. Before we hire another nanny we plan to have a monitoring system set up so we can look in on our kids at any time.

Fortunately for us, we won’t have to go through the nanny hiring process any time soon…my mother-in-law asked to be our next hire!  So, for now at least, we have the perfect nanny!

I am still calling in sick this week, but today has been a much better day. I didn’t throw up once today! Here is a guest post from Katie at Mighty Munchkin Maintenance  about planning her first birthday party. She has a great blog full of helpful blog posts. Enjoy!

In our house, there’s cause for celebration, we’ve almost survived the first year! Everyone is still sane, healthy, and happy! So I’m thinking, ponies, clowns… the works! No, not really. I’m terrified of clowns. And I’m pretty sure Kaylee might not be fond of ponies yet. We came across a horseback rider once while hiking along a path and Kaylee was decidedly uncertain about the large four-legged creature. I was absolutely thrilled (I’m easily excited), but she just gave him the hairy eyeball. Ah, but I digress; back to the topic at hand, planning that first birthday party.

I jest about ponies and clowns, but when I started looking into first birthday parties one of the resources I found was a mom describing her journey along the first birthday party planning process and a friend of hers had a carnival party with ponies and clowns. I wasn’t sure at that point if I should laugh or feel woefully inadequate. You see my research was primarily focused on what to do about a birthday cake. Kaylee hasn’t been introduced to egg whites yet, and I don’t really feel like trying to bake a cake (because if I bake it, it definitely won’t pretty or picture worthy). And I don’t think introducing her to egg whites is the best idea at her birthday party. But now I’m heading down the dark path of what else goes on at a first birthday party. I never would have guessed that ponies were even an option. I thought that only happened in the movies.

After doing some research, I’ve come to terms with the fact that like babies, that first birthday party can come in all different shapes and sizes. It seems lots of people have themed parties and often invite playmates. Kaylee doesn’t really have playmates though. I do belong to a mom’s group, so she does have an opportunity to interact with other children but we don’t actually know them very well. I guess I could do a themed party regardless of no other little munchkins being present. Hmmm, now I’m picturing my Uncle Peter in a Strawberry Shortcake hat. Interesting…the idea has merit, if only for the funny factor.

Seriously though, I just don’t think I have it in me to plan a huge birthday bash, and I don’t honestly think Kaylee would enjoy it. What we’ve decided to do is have two small parties, six to eight people each. Our reasoning for two small parties is that Kaylee is extremely shy, and too many people all at once throws her over the edge. We’re also opting for the more casual BBQ scenario, which makes my life considerably less stressful. I still don’t know about the cake though. Tomorrow I plan to visit the bakery and ask if I can have a cake made without egg whites. I know, I know, wishful thinking on my part. I don’t think Kaylee will actually eat any cake. We’ve been offering her finger foods since she was eight months, but she doesn’t eat them. She likes to feed them to me, mush them, or throw them on the floor. Every once in a while she places something on her tongue and then quickly removes it (she thinks it’s game). I’m just worried that the day she decides to actually shove food in her mouth will be on her birthday. Ah well, I’ll figure it out.

For those more experienced parents reading along, do you have any party planning lessons learned, suggestions, or funny stories to share? We’d love to hear them!

Snack time, my favorite. I don’t know about you, but my idea of a favorite snack is a piece of chocolate cake with a caramel machiato from Starbucks. If I ate that everyday I would be in big trouble since my clothes would not fit me anymore! Of course serving chocolate cake and a highly caffienated beverage is not really an option for my 3 children. So, this is more for my own inspiration because I need some new ideas. And because I thought that several heads working together to better snack time for all of our growing and energetic children would be a benefit to all of us!

My (just turned!) 5 year old and 3 year old don’t get snacks very often. If they do it is usually in the morning time between breakfast and lunch. I notice that they are hungrier if they don’t eat any protein for breakfast so I’ll give them a snack. I cut out an afternoon snack a little over a year ago because I noticed that they weren’t eating much of dinner– which was healthier and covered a broader spectrum of food groups. When I cut out the afternoon snack they would eat a healthier dinner. Now my 11 month old is needing a snack in the afternoon and I want to make sure I plan ahead about what kind of foods to offer him. I know that if my other 2 see the baby eating they will start drooling for some too. So, either I will need to decide on a very small portion of snackage for them or tell them they have to wait for dinner. If I plan ahead enough then I can have the same healthy snack available for them in the morning.

In my ideal world, snacks are made from whole grain, whole foods with NO high fructose corn syrup. (I am avoiding a temptation to go off on a ***HFCS tangent….I mean seriously, WHEN will companies stop putting that terrible for you filler in their foods?!) That means that homemade snacks are probably the best option but not always realistic when life gets busy. Grabbing Goldfish and Cheerios are so easy and aren’t bad for you either. But I get tired of serving Goldfish, Cheerios, and grapes for a snack.

When Ewan was little I was great at having a huge variety of snacks available for him so I am going back to my books and magazines and pulling out some of the good ideas.

For the finger food eater (10+ months):

• Avacado chunks
• Cheese chunks
• Soft cooked veges (I like using a mixed vege frozen mix)
• Tofu chunks
• Scrambled egg yolk (for younger than 12 months)
• Hard boiled egg chunks
• Beans, lentils
• Sweet potato chunks
• Whole wheat pasta in small pieces (mix with light ricotta cheese for a protein boost)
• Small pieces of fruit (I just got a giant bag of frozen fruit with cantaloupe, grapes, peaches etc. in it and am using that for snacks)
• Whole grain/wheat pieces of bread, bagels, pancakes, or crackers
• Cottage cheese (totally messy but finger-foodalicious)

For toddlers on up:

Toddlers can eat more complicated food textures and combinations. I used to make muffins, pancakes, and whole grain cornmeal pancakes and freeze them. Then I could pull out one at a time and serve it.

• Hummus with veggie strips or pretzels (cucumbers, bell peppers, zucchini, carrots)
• Homemade granola (with or without plain yogurt)
• Small piece of whole grain/wheat toast with almond butter and fresh berries
• Whole wheat blueberry pancake
• Whole wheat banana muffins
• Apple slices with Almond or Sunflower butter
• Yogurt parfait with plain yogurt, fresh fruit, and granola
• Apple-Oat Pancakes (recipe below)
• Banana johnnycakes (recipe below)

Good Whole Food Snack Sources:

Super Baby Food by Ruth Yaron (Tons of great super healthy snacks and meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner)

Simply Natural Baby Food by Cathe Olson

Apple-Oat Pancakes from Simply Natural Baby Food

Soy, rice, or almond milk can be used if baby is not drinking cow’s milk.

• 1 3/4 c. rolled oats
• 1/4 c. almonds
• 1 tsp. baking powder
• 1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
• 2 eggs (or 4 egg yolks if baby isn’t eating egg whites)
• 1 1/3 c. milk (dairy or non-dairy)
• 1 apple grated

Grind oats and nuts to powder in a blender or food processor. Pour oat mixture into a large mixing bowl an stir in baking powder and cinnamon. Beat eggs and milk together. Grate apple in food processor or by hand. Add the egg mixture and apple to oats. Stir until just mixed. Let batter sit 5 minutes while griddle heats. Bake pancakes on a lightly oiled griddle or skillet over med. heat. Use approx. 1/4 cup batter for each pancake. Cook for 5 minutes. Turn when top is bubbly and edges are starting to dry. Cook for 3 to 5 minutes. Yield: 12 pancakes

Banana Johnnycakes from Simply Natural Baby Food

• 1 c. cornmeal
• pinch of sea salt
• 1 1/4 c. boiling water
• 2 tsp molasses or honey
• 1 banana, peeled and sliced

Place cornmeal and salt in heat-proofing mixing bowl. Whisk in boiling water and sweetener. Add bananas and stir gently. If batter is too thick, add a little water or milk. Bake cakes on a lightly oiled griddle or skillet over med. heat. Use approx 1/8 cup batter for each cake. Cook 5 minutes. Turn when edges begin to dry. Do not turn prematurely. Cook 3 to 5 more minutes. Remove from pan. Keep in warm oven until ready to serve. Yield: 10 pancakes

So, what yumm-i-o snacks do you feed your kids?

***We live by an incredibly busy railroad and we see train car after train car with the label High Fructose Corn Syrup on it. I mean a row of 25 of them! It is fascinating and gross at the same time. It makes me wonder how much of HFCS I have eaten over the course of my lifetime and how much of one of those cars it would fill. Blech!

Finding a reliable, energetic babysitter or nanny can be quite a challenge these days. When I was in high school, I remember competing to be “THE sitter” with many other high school girls. I babysat all the time and made quite a bit of cash. Now that I am a mom, it seems like there just aren’t as many eager young teens and college age gals looking for babysitting gigs.

I posted last week about creating a babysitter handbook, but that’s just not very valuable if you don’t have a babysitter! Here’s some ideas on where to find a great babysitter.

• Church - check with your college/young singles pastor or youth group leader at church for names of people who may be interested in babysitting!
• Local colleges - Most colleges have job banks where outsiders can post job opportunities for the students. This is how I found one of our regular babysitters!
• Tell EVERYONE you know! - You never know when your child’s soccer coach has a next door neighbor who is looking for a great babysitting gig!
• Homeschooling groups - Check your local homeschool group for reliable high schoolers who want to sit for families. The great thing about hiring a homeschooler is they are sometimes more flexible in their schedules. If you need a Friday morning sitter, you may be able to find a trusty 17 year old who is free on Friday mornings this way!
• Your local gym/day care center/karate class/music class/etc.. - Check with people who are already in the caregiving business, and even better, check with people who are already caring for YOUR children! The child care worker at the gym or your child’s day care teacher may be looking for some extra cash on the weekends or evenings. Scoop them up!
• Nanny or Babysitting websites-I don’t have any experience with this route, but you can join a website similar to this site or this site and have access to babysitters and nannies in your area, their contact information, their resumes, and their availability.

When you’ve found a couple candidates, there’s a few things you can do to make sure they are a good fit before inviting them into your home.

• Have a phone interview. If you need specific, regular times for the babysitter to work, make sure they are available when you need them. Also, confirm pay over the phone and if they have transportation.
• Meet them face to face. My mother-in-law met with our potential nanny at Starbucks and bought her a drink and discussed in more detail why she was wanting a nanny position and what made her qualified to care for children. My mother-in-law is super laid back, so it really was perfect to have her there. Other MIL’s may not be a great person to take on this interview. If you want to have someone else there if you’re husband is not available, ask a close friend. It’s always good to get someone else’s input on something like this.
• After the first meeting, I invited our potential nanny over to meet the children and see how she interacted with them. Prior to this, I offered her the job contingent on how she and the kids interacted and on her background check results. All went GREAT and we found ourselves a great nanny!

The most important part of finding a great babysitter is not letting them go when you find them! Pay them competitive rates and make sure you are not micromanaging them. Make them feel very appreciated and never take advantage of them! Happy hunting!

Where have you found your awesome sitter or nanny? What makes your relationship work so well? Any other advice?

Recently our family had the opportunity to take a little vacation (or vay-cay, as I’ve been continuously calling it) to Panama City Beach, Florida.  We have not gone anywhere together as a family in about a year, and we were due some days of quiet away from home.  Thankfully, a family from our church let us use their beach house free of charge!  So we loaded up our car and hit the road.

The house we were in was perfect for the kids.  They were so enamored with the sun room up front that they weren’t the least bit interested in opening the cabinet doors and nooks & crannies throughout the house.  We brought one baby gate, which was perfect to block them out of the bathroom; they had free reign everywhere else.  It was a little one-level bungalow right across the street from the water.  All we had to do was cross the street and hike through about 10 yards of sand to see the waves.  To top it off, the beach was “private”!  So there was no one else around for great distances.  Nice!

The first morning we were there, we suited up and got lathered in our sunscreen, donning our hats and looking good.  I even had a new swimsuit to wear (Wow!  We’re talking 3 years, people, since I’ve cared about that at all…)  The kids were ecstatic to use their new sand shovel and beach toys.  I brought a blanket, Dave remembered the umbrella for shade.  We were set.  I was thinking we’d be there for a couple of hours and then go back to the house for lunch.

Except that two hours was about 90 minutes too long.  Turns out, the kids were kinda freaked out by the waves and had no interest in getting wet.  This didn’t stop me from trying to get them in the water, mind you.  I held Eli and tried to let him get a little cooled off as the waves lapped up.  One little splash of saltwater on his face was all it took to convince him he didn’t like it.  They weren’t quite sure what to do about the sand, either, though that was easier for them to handle.  And boy, was it hot.  Upper 90s, sticky and humid.  The only enjoyment Dave and I found was when we could individually step away for quick little dips into the water.  (My swimsuit was great - stayed in place and everything!  Score!)

After 20 minutes of playing in the sand, Lucy was soaked from sweat.  Poor girl was so hot.   But she was not going in that water.  It became clear that if we weren’t going to swim, we might as well go back to the house.  Otherwise, we were going to melt away into the Gulf.  We didn’t have access to a swimming pool, which would have changed the way we spent our days completely.  Instead, we cleaned ourselves up and decided to see what else the beach town had to offer, which turned out to be a lot.  We enjoyed fun window shopping and cruising along the strip, and the kids weren’t too traumatized to head back to our beach in the evening hours to collect sea shells and watch the sun go down. 

On our last day, we decided to drive a little further east and see St. Andrews Park.  We didn’t know what we were going to find, honestly, but we brought a picnic lunch.  It turns out we should have brought our swimsuits, too, because we found this:

It was utterly kid-friendly, this little wading area for families.  It was like “Beach for Beginners”, and Lucy loved it.  She and Dave wandered around for awhile and ended up swimming in their clothes for about an hour.  Oh, how I wished we knew about this from the start!  We would have done this on the first day and then she probably would have warmed up to the “big waves” at our beach not much longer after that.  Eli would have enjoyed sitting around in the shallowest parts of the water with me, too.  Oh well.  Maybe next time.

Looking back, I realized we did lots of things right on our kids’ first beach trip:

• We packed everything we needed for beach fun: towels, blankets, toys, sunscreen, beverages, and the camera.
• We knew not to include eating while on the beach.  Nothing’s worse than a sand-covered snack!  We scheduled beach time around eating times.
• We kept a flexible and positive attitude with every activity.
• We all looked really good.  Seriously, we’re a family with good fashion sense. :)  (Okay, I’m reaching, here…)

Here is what I learned to do for next time:

• Research what there is to do before leaving home!  Had we done this, we would have known how to introduce beachy fun to our young ones in a more effective manner.
• If possible, go in a month when it’s not quite as hot.  The water was a great temperature for swimming, but it was sweltering outside of it.  We looked for shade at every opportunity.

Some links on the subject:

• 10 Tips for Your Beach Vacation
• Packing Tips for Beach Trips
• Tips for Taking Your Toddler to the Beach
• Little Toddler Beach Bums

What about you, moms?  How have your beach endeavors fared this summer?  Any stories or tips that you’d like to share?