The Mom Crowd

Your son Timothy has a new friend who is always around when he needs him and whenever he wants to play. He shares his toys with him, engages in lively conversations with him and talks about him to family members all of time. There is only one problem with Timothy’s friend. He is not real.

Imaginary Friends- Not Uncommon

Having imaginary friends is not that uncommon. Approximately 65 percent of children between the ages of three to five years of age create friends that are imaginary. It generally takes place at a time when a young child’s identity is starting to form and they are beginning to test the boundaries that exist between what is real and what is fantasy. While imaginary friends are usually outgrown by the time a child starts school, research has shown that approximately one-third of children continue to have an imaginary friend through the age of seven. For very young children imaginary friends are often based on physical objects such as a doll or a stuffed animal. Girls tend to have imaginary friends more than boys do, according to studies that have looked at this and parents are more likely to be aware of the imaginary friend of their daughter’s than their son’s.

Relax and Don’t Sweat It

If your child has an imaginary friend that is important to him or her then you may be alarmed by this. You may wonder if this is a sign that your child has a problem, such as being socially maladjusted. You may also wonder how you should handle the situation. Should you treat the situation as if it is completely normal or should you discourage the presence of the imaginary friend in your child’s life?

Relax. That is what you should do about the imaginary friend situation- just relax. In most cases a friend that your child has created is nothing more than the result of a mind that is creative, curious and trying to understand and make sense of the expanding world that he or she lives in. Your child wants to learn and explore and for some children, imaginary friends help them to do just that. You will be happy to know as a mother that children who have the most active of imaginations tend to grow into creative and curious adults who are always hungering to learn- and they show no signs of being socially maladjusted.

Purposes for an Imaginary Friend

For a child an imaginary friend may serve a variety of purposes. An imaginary friend:

• makes it possible for your child to try out different types of relationships at a time when their social development is at a critical point
• allows a child to explore such things as control, discipline and power without having to cope with authority figures in the real world
• helps a child to cope with anxiety in his life that is associated with a transition (such as a move, a new baby in the family or a death in the family)

When to be Worried

As a parent you need to pay close attention to the duration and the intensity of your child’s friendship with the figment of their imagination. You need to be concerned if your child does not show any interest in interacting with other children but instead wants to spend much of his or her time playing with the imaginary chum. This can point to some sort of psychological distress that is going on with the child and it needs to be addressed.

In time your child’s interest in being involved with an invented friend will disappear as he becomes sure of himself and as your child develops meaningful friendships with his peers. However if your child seems deeply engrossed in this imaginary friendship and it shows no signs of dissipating but instead seems to be picking up speed then it is time to speak  with a professional to find out if your child may be dealing with some anxieties, fears or worries that he  has not shared with you.

Some children create imaginary friends to help them cope with the complex, uncertain and often frustrating issues that crop up in their lives. As a parent you should not discourage your child’s manner of interacting with the world by his existence of a made up confidante. You should also not poke fun at the relationship. Remember that this friend seems all too real to your child and plays a role in his growth. You should not become too involved with the drama either though. You can go along with the situation up to a point. It does have limits. You can also use a gentle but firm way of reminding your Timothy that his friend is make believe.